OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHO SHOULD HAVE DEFERRED REBOUNDS TO BEN SIMMONS SO HE COULD GET A TRIPLE-DOUBLE POWER RANKINGS:
1. J.J. Redick. What are you doing getting eight rebounds man? You’re old and you have T-Rex arms.
2. Dario Saric. Soft euros aren’t allowed to get rebounds.
3. Robert Covington. Just because you got paid doesn’t mean you’re allowed to steal rebounds from Ben Simmons AKA the walking triple-double.
4. Andrew Bogut. Are you telling me that you couldn’t let Simmons get just one more offensive rebound?
5. Richaun Holmes. You only got one rebound, but if Ben Simmons had gotten it he would have had his trippy-dubby.
6. Jonathon Simmons. Actually you can still grab rebounds, just please stop using the name Simmons, it confuses me.
[POWER GAP]
7. Amir Johnson. You didn’t grab a rebound so we good.
8. Justin Anderson. See #7.
[POWER ABYSS]
9001. Joel Embiid. You’re allowed to stat-pad as much as you want, honestly.