I’m not sure what’s wrong with the Pistons. They’ve lost six in a row now after being at 14-6 through the first twenty games. However, I can, with relative accuracy, pinpoint the cause of this loss to the Celtics where the Detoilet Pissed-Ons only scored 81 points: nobody could shoot the damn ball. Anthony “The Tollbooth” Tolliver was the only player to shoot above 50% from the field unless you count Reggie Bullock, which I don’t. The starters for the Pistons shot 13 of 50 from the field. Among their sins:
-Reggie Jackson made zero field goals in nine attempts and only got three assists in nineteen minutes, making him a prime target for physical violence after the team’s imminent players-only meeting
-Avery Bradley was 5-of-16 from the field, a Kentavious Caldwell-Pope-Esque statline
-Tobias Harris was 5-of-15, which is bad but not as bad as Bradley, plus Tobey Bear can do no wrong
-Andre Drummond only took five shots and made one of them. Reggie Jackson’s fault? Probably.
-Stanley Johnson was two of five from the field in fourteen minutes, which is actually really good for him, so it’s not his fault
The answer going forward is clear: start Tollbooth at power forward, move Tobes to small forward, start Ish Smith so Jackson gets all mad and quits on the team like he did in OKC, and watch the losses continue to roll in.