OFFICIAL LOWEST TRUE SHOOTING PERCENTAGES FOR PLAYERS WHO PLAY MORE THAN THIRTY MINUTES PER GAME POWER RANKINGS: 1. Lonzo “Secretly Hates his Father” Ball (43%) 2. Marcus “Vital Part of the Team” Smart (45.8%) 3. Danilo “Hospital Bed” Gallinari (47.5%) 4. Dion “Buckets Don’t Lie” Waiters (48.7%) 5. Nicolas “I Hate Juan-Carlos Navarro” Batum (49.7%)…
Read MoreDay: January 6, 2018
Serge Ibaka 21 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
Serge “Ibaka Gaijin” Ibaka is currently having his second-most efficient scoring season ever, behind 2012-13 season with the Thunder where they got swept in the second round by the Grizzlies. When you think about it that way, it’s totally fine for him to not be the same stud defender in years past: why would he…
Read MoreMalcolm Brogdon 19 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
Malcolm “The Junkyard Brog” Brogdon scored seventeen of his nineteen points in the fourth quarter of this game, AKA “Garbago Time”. For the entire time he was going against Fred VanVleet and Delon Wright, so maybe the points are worth like 65% of what they normally are, but then again, VanVleet and Wright were motivated…
Read MoreJustin Holiday 23 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
“Dear Mr. Holiday, I regret to inform you that you have disqualified yourself from any further highlight videos based on your shameful performance on January 5th, 2018 against the Dallas Mavericks. You are likely to be aware of the incident to which I refer, but, for legal reasons, I will disclose it here: You are…
Read MoreTyreke Evans 26 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
I didn’t even realize that Tyreke “Reke of Putrefaction” Evans was on a one-year, 3.3 million dollar deal this year. I was just sort of assuming that he was one of those players who got a big payday for no reason other than teams had hella money to spend, but nope, that’s Chandler Parsons. Anyway,…
Read MoreBen Simmons 19 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
Q: Would Ben Simmons have recorded a 30/15 game if he had played in the second half of the third quarter and at any point during the fourth quarter? A: It is not our place as humans to predict the future, but all signs point to “yes”. I’m going to go out and say it:…
Read MoreWesley Matthews 24 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
Blazers-era Wes Matthews is never coming back, injury stole him from us, but at least Matthews’s shooting is looking slightly more remiscent of his days in Portland. After being under the 40% mark (remember, that’s the unofficial demarcation line between “sucks” and “is okay”) for his first two seasons with the Mavs, he has topped…
Read MoreCourtney Lee 24 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
Courtney Lee scored 24 tonight against the Heat, which is a nice amount of points for him. But wait! Before you heap praise on him, notice this fact: he didn’t score any points at all in the fourth quarter OR overtime. When his team needed him the most, he pulled a Houdini. With the end…
Read MoreBrandon Ingram 22 Points Full Highlights (1/6/2018)
The Kevin Durant comparisons for Brandon Ingram, based on little but body type, are fading now. In their place are comparisons for a new superstar: Giannis Antetokounmpo. Ingram has been driving to the basket like a madman lately, trying to use his length to squeeze shots through the defense at the rim. Some games it…
Read MoreBryn Forbes 16 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2018)
I’m never not going to be hyped for Bryn Forbes. He’s like what we’d be seeing with Devin Booker right now if he was on a team that was a contender instead of a team that only wants to develop players. I’m exaggerating, but not even by that much. Booker had the keys to the…
Read More