January 2018 – Page 2

Marreese Speights 17 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2018)

It seems like forever ago when Marreese “Mo Buckets” Speights was the Warriors’ 6th man chucker. Normally teams go for midget shooting guards when selecting their 6th man chuckers, but Golden State saw Speights’ chucking potential, and went for it despite him being a power forward. He basically chucked them to a championship, except for…

Joe Ingles 20 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (1/30/2018)

Big props to Joe “Sloppy Joe” Ingles (who doesn’t look like an NBA player at all) for taking it right to Kevin “Alternate Account” Durant (who really looks a lot like an NBA player) and leading his team to victory. He did almost all of his damage in the first half, giving the Jazz a…

Otto Porter 25 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2018)

We all know that John Wall magically makes Otto Porter by a mechanism enigmatically known as the “Martell Webster Effect”. No one knows how it works, the nation’s leading scientists have performed several rigorous experiments and come to no conclusions, all we know is that it works, and it means Porter is a beast whenever…

JaVale McGee 14 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (1/30/2018)

Not shown: JaVale McGee airballing a three that he had no business taking. I thought about it, as a sort of “compare and contrast” between that and his previous 7-for-7 shooting including, in fairness, a sweet turnaround fading jumper over Gobert that he also had no business taking. But I don’t do lowlights. If you…

Ricky Rubio 23 Points/11 Assists Full Highlights (1/30/2018)

I’m one of approximately five people on earth who think the current Jazz branding/uniforms/colors are really sweet. I don’t know why everyone hates on it, it’s got the music-note “J”, what more do you freaks want? With that said, they should permanently adopt the alternates they had tonight. Forever. Keep the court with that goofy-looking…

Zach Randolph 26 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2018)

The Sacramento Kings won this game on the back of all the players who Kings fans wish the Kings wouldn’t rely on to win games. Except for De’Aaron Fox, all the top contributors were in various stages of oldness. When I think “exciting Sacramento basketball”, it doesn’t usually involve the names “Zach Randolph”, “George Hill”,…

Mario Hezonja 17 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2018)

Mario Hezonja has definitely shown enough this season for some team to want him before the trade deadline. Definitely. The Magic, obviously, aren’t super interested in investing any more resources into him. He’s a relic of the past, already in his third year in the league. My theory is they’re only letting him play so…

Taj Gibson 17 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

“There is such torment in my soul,” Taj Gibson whispered to his empty apartment, lit only by a single candle on his desk. He could feel the emotions within him bursting at the seams, begging to be released through the medium of poetry. He pulled to him a crisp sheet of rose-colored stationery and one…

Tyler Ulis 13 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

Remember when Tyler Ulis almost looked like a starting-quality point guard at the end of last year? Sure, he would have been on the very low end of “starting-quality”, but I won’t ever forget the time he put up a 34/9/9 statline while making 15 of 22 shots. For a rookie whose height is maybe…

Jayson Tatum 20 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

I could deal with the Celtics broadcast not showing replays of Daniel Theis hitting three-pointers. That’s understandable. All three-pointers roughly look the same. The fans don’t necessarily need to see multiple angles of a guy shooting a jumpshot from 24 feet away. But this…this is inexcusable. Jayson Tatum showed it all last night. He only…