January 2018 – Page 3

Daniel Theis 11 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

After making twelve three-pointers in his first 48 games as NBA player, Daniel Theis poured in three of them against the unsuspecting Nuggets en route to 111-110 Celtics victory. Basically, he forcibly rammed his authentic German knackwurst right down the throat of any and every nearby defender. Since he only scored eleven points, which is…

Mason Plumlee 16 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

Mason Plumlee is the pinkest dude ever. If there’s a dude whose skin gets pinker while playing the game of basketball, I don’t know about him. It’s like, when he steps on the court, he all of a sudden has pure marinara sauce running through his veins and his whole body looks like a giant…

Trey Lyles 20 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

Sometimes I wonder if aliens came and abducted the real version of Trey Lyles, and, in the spirit of intergalactic hospitality, gave us a cloned version of him that was way better at basketball. Because Lyles really, really sucked in his second year, and now he’s legit good. It wouldn’t even be that hard for…

Nikola Jokic 24 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

The Nuggets scorekeepers really like giving Nikola Jokic some iffy assists, don’t they? He’s averaging almost 6 assists per game at home, but only 4.5 on the road. The culprit is all those handoffs he does with Murray/Harris/Barton. Some of them are legit, but some of them really aren’t. Like the last clip of this…

T.J. Warren 24 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

When the season’s over, I’m gonna take all the T.J. Warren highlights I made, which will probably be around 30 or 35 of them, stitch them all together, and upload the resultant hour-long video to Pornhub. I may or may not include cheesy porno music. Maybe I will upload a version with and a version…

Dario Saric 19 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

Dario Saric had been hitting his three-ball at a pretty good rate the last few games, and you could tell in this one. He wasn’t hesitating at all! Problem was, the threes weren’t going in, and he didn’t stop shooting them. He ended up 0-8, a significant contributor to the team-wide brickfest that ended with…

Myles Turner 22 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

I hadn’t really noticed that he was gone in the first place (Sabonis is bae), but Myles Turner is back! Somehow the news of his injury had escaped me; I figured I wasn’t doing highlights of him because he was in a slump of epic proportions. Nope! He was injured, and now he’s back, and…

Nicolas Batum 22 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

I will not stop being amazed at how much Nicolas Batum is getting paid. I know I bring it up in almost every description, but in fairness to myself, is there anything else to talk about regarding him? No. He only exists as a number in a spreadsheet. Or, 22,434,783 numbers. He had a good…

Kent Bazemore 22 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

Jeff Teague either lost this game for the Timberwolves, or Kent Bazemore won this game for the Hawks. Or both. Could be both. No reason it couldn’t be both. Either way, Teague was straight-up embarrassed by Bazemore tonight, twice getting rejected on what looked to be open layups by the fleet-footed Baze. I would make…

Wayne Selden 17 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (1/29/2018)

I’m still recovering from that game where Wayne Selden exploded, literally exploded, the largest part of him they found was a section of jawbone and a toe, the rest of him was atomized into a fine red mist, it was gruesome and horrible and I wish I could unsee it but I can’t, but before…