The following is a list of players/coaches that Tobias Harris completely dominated/embarrassed last night: -Lafartus Fartridge -Manu GinOLDbili -Gregg Poopobitch -Kawhine Leonard (he knew that Tobes would own him so he didn’t even show up to the game) -Kyloser Anderslow -Fatty Mills -Pau Gasold With this win, the Clippers probably keep their playoff chances alive,…
Read MoreMonth: April 2018
Jaylen Brown 24 Points Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
The Celtics did about as well as could have been expected tonight, given that they were without a PG except for “Kadeem Allen”, whose existence is obviously fabricated. They don’t need a true PG, really, since Stevens’ system is so good, and they also don’t need what seemed to be half the roster including two…
Read MoreJohn Collins 19 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
I wish my mom would give me encouragement in my endeavors. Seeing John Collins’ mother cheering her son on arose within me some weird (no, not in that way you perv) emotions. Sadness. Confusion. Regret. The only thing she knows about my internet activities is that I tried to be an Instagram model for a…
Read MoreMalik Monk 21 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
Malik Monk’s purported 43-inch vertical has to be one of the best in the league, right? If not the very best? So why doesn’t he dunk it more? Here’s a hint for young Mr. Monk: dunking the ball is pretty much a guaranteed two points and there’s no reason not to do it every time…
Read MoreKentavious Caldwell-Pope 28 Points Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
Somehow, a game where Kentavious Caldwell-Pope leads the charge for the Lakers just doesn’t feel as satisfying. He’s not ancient or anything, but he’s also not a homegrown talent and he’ll be gone (presumably) after the season is over. Him scoring points means nothing for the Lakers of the future. Long story short, I’m advocating…
Read MoreSean Kilpatrick 21 Points Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
Sean Kilpatrick has come a long way since being that dude the Timberwolves called up from the D-League because he was in close proximity to the away game they were playing that day. He didn’t show much that day (though he did show 13 points worth of stuff two games later), but now he’s hitting…
Read MoreJosh Jackson 28 Points Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
Josh Jackson has been unleashed. The Suns weren’t trying to win at the beginning of the year, but now they’re not trying to win AND they don’t have Devin Booker, so Jackson gets to do whatever he wants now. No threat of getting benched, no other offensive options to take touches away from him, this…
Read MoreBogdan Bogdanovic 22 Points Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
For some reason, after Bogdan Bogdanovic and Justin Jackson both missed three-pointers to tie the game (not shown), and time expired, the Kings players were all smiles. Iman Shumpert was positively beaming. This is the modern NBA, friends: players maybe not playing to lose, but not unhappy when the losing happens. I am so disgusted…
Read MoreJahlil Okafor 15 Points Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
Jahlil Okafor was really hearing it from the Philly Phaithful tonight. I would normally say that the reason for the boos was because Philly fans are the worst fans in the entire universe, but they have a legitimate point: Okafor was pretty much, in their opinion, a huge bust and they wanted to make sure…
Read MoreNikola Jokic 30 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (4/3/2018)
They say time heals all wounds. I don’t know who this nebulous “they” is, but they’re obviously misinformed, because it’s been 2 whole days and I’m still super salty about how the Nuggets beat the Bucks last game. Gaping wounds all over the place from that one, and they’re just as gaping as when they…
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