Attention Kevin Love: stop stealing minutes from Ante Zizic. And if you haven’t been stealing minutes from Zizic yet, don’t even think about doing so. Because you’re way too good for the Cavaliers right now, there’s no future for you in Cleveland, and there are young talented bigs like Antetozizpo and Marquese Chriss who need those rebounds way more than you. Just go off and do some more knuckle pushups so you can break your hand again and you can go off to some other team during the offseason without interfering with the development of your fellow bigmen.
Okay, so I just looked at Love’s contract, and I totally didn’t remember that he’s getting paid 30 million dollars the next four years. Damn. So maybe him just disappearing from the Cavs is not going to happen, unless they trade him for, like, John Wall or something. Actually, that’s the kind of thing you don’t want to accidentally speak into existence, so I’m sorry. No team should be burdened with Wall, even if it is the Cavs who deserve bad things after the Comic Sans incident.
New strategy: figure out a sweet lineup where Zizic and Love play at the same time. That shouldn’t be too hard, since Love can play on the perimeter and shoot threes while Zizic receives slick little passes from Matthew Dellavedova for interior buckets. The only issue is that Love is such a statpadder when it comes to rebounds that Zizic will really have to assert himself if he wants to get any at all. I’m thinking when they both grab the ball at the same time, Zizic uses his superior Croatian strength to wrest it away from the limp-wristed Oregonian, and then stares at him menacingly all the way up the court. Show him who’s boss.