I’m sitting here staring at this “buy one large pizza get one free” coupon and thinking “can I eat two whole large pizzas by myself?”. Mind you, this is one of those places where the larges are gigantic, not wimpy Pizza Hut-style larges, because they don’t even have an extra large size. So the answer is no. I can’t. It’s such a good deal though. Another factor is that this particular pizza joint doesn’t reheat well. And no, I’m not one of those heathens who eats cold pizza. That’s disgusting. You’re disgusting if you partake in such a barbarous practice.
What I’m getting at here, is how much do I have to pay Frank Kaminsky to come to my place to chow down on some pizza and watch some basketball? I can’t just get a normal person to come over; it has to be a gigantic dude who is capable of eating ludicrous amounts of pizza. Would he do it for free? Is a whole large pizza plus maybe some extra payment enough? I have League Pass, so he could even choose the game we watch. As long as it wasn’t the Hornets. Because then he’d have to be playing and not eating pizza with me.
I would ask him on Twitter but I’m too scared. What if he makes fun of me for not being able to eat two large pizzas without any help? That would destroy me. Does anyone know the phone number of his, like, agent or handler or posse or something to see if we can set this up? I really want to use this coupon but it expires soon and I’m starting to freak out that I won’t be able to unlock the amazing deals hidden within its preforated confines.