Jonas Valanciunas 27 Points Full Highlights (3/8/2019)

It seems like every game, the gulf between Jonas Valanciunas and Marc Gasol grows wider. Tonight, the young, spry, active, attractive Lithuanian Valanciunas had a season-high 27 points. The slow, elderly, lumpy Spaniard Marc Gasol had a season-low four points.

I recommend that all viewers take a moment right now to laugh heartily at the Toronto Raptors’ front office as well as all of their fans. Hahaha. Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHA! The intensity of my laughter is not lessened by the fact that the Raptors easily won their game against Pelicans. It only increases in intensity when I think about the fact that the Valanciunas/Gasol trade was a not a straight swap; the Raptors included other assets to make the deal go through. I’m sure I will be chuckling about this for at least the next hour, possibly longer.

Just like the Stepien Rule exists to prevent GM’s from giving away every single first round pick in their possession, there should be a Masai rule that prevents GM’s from trading promising, efficient players for washed up old dudes. Then again, if Valanciunas was gonna keep getting held down, it’s good that he got traded away. Now he can form a superstar core with Bruno Caboclo (I call it them “Valanoclo”) where all they do is throw lobs to each other while Masai watches on League Pass and cries while eating Timbits.

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