Royce O’Neale 17 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

Before you ask me, the answer is “no”. I do not know why the video feed for this game was so screwed up. Every few seconds there’s this huge jagged line of mangled pixels running across the whole screen, getting in the way of the hot Royce O’Neale action that you willingly signed up for. I swear this isn’t a problem with my methods or my rendering pipeline. The video feed itself had these crazy artefacts.

While the whole “cyberpunk meets vhs tapes” aesthetic is desirable in some circles, and while it looks sort of cool when it happens on an NBA highlight video, it’s not my desired effect. I peddle in false hope for fans of bad players and bad teams. I do not peddle in false nostalgia for a period of time that the target audience wasn’t even alive to experience (the 80’s, if you missed where I’m going with this).

I can only assume that nefarious alien civilizations are tampering with NBA broadcasts because they’re jealous of how awesome a sport basketball is. Low-gravity Plobcube, which is the alien analogue to our basketball, rarely draws crowds in the thousands, even for championship matches. It’s simply an inferior game. It’s so inferior that there aren’t even any alien versions of DTB out there. No aliens wants to waste their time making highlights for such a stupid sport.

If Adam Silver needs help assembling an intergalactic military force ready to obliterate those aliens who are messing with our NBA game feeds, he knows where to find me. Huddled under my bed holding Japurri while wrapped in tinfoil and muttering about “those damn aliens”.

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