It’s been established by insider Celtics locker room sources that Daniel Theis and Aron Baynes often get into MMA-style fistfights because they both view the other as stealing minutes from themselves. These fights are tinged with WWII overtones thanks to the Germany vs. Australia angle. You might ask, “which insiders are these and how were…
Read MoreDay: March 31, 2019
Marvin Bagley 20 Points Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
Well, it’s official. The playoffs aren’t happening for the Sacramento Kings. It seems like just yesterday that they started off the season hot and looked like they would finally end their decade-plus playoff drought. However, it wasn’t a wasted season. The Kings ended another drought, and that was the “look like a competent team” drought,…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas Career High 34 Points/20 Rebounds/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
Jonas Valanciunas realized that he was lying on his back in the grass. Since this was not where he expected to be after having just finished playing in an NBA game, he didn’t yet open his eyes. Instead, he thought about what might have led him to this situation. Had he gotten blisteringly drunk and…
Read MoreLuke Kornet 17 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
Luke Kornet was heading towards the locker room when his eye happened to catch something sitting on top of a nearby trash can. It looked like food. Walking over to take a closer look, Luke’s suspicions were confirmed: it was food. Nearly untouched and looking rather pristine, the tray of corndogs still, if Luke got…
Read MoreEnes Kanter 20 Points Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
The (hopefully temporary) post-Nurkic era of Trailblazers basketball has gone okay, with two wins over tanking teams (Chicago and Atlanta) before this loss to one of the East’s many middling playoff teams, the Detroit Pistons. Enes Kanter has scored 13, 14, and 20 points in those three games, as well as grabbing 6, 8, and…
Read MoreTimothe Luwawu-Cabarrot 18 Points Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot could totally be mobilizing basketball fans in the Chicago area right now. Just like Giannis gets huge crowds of Greeks at every arena he visits, just like Goran Dragic and Luka Doncic get small cadres of Slovenians, just like Jokic brings out the Serbs everywhere he goes, so too could TLC attract French…
Read MoreWalt Lemon 19 Points/6 Assists Bulls Debut Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
Yes. Yes. Yes! YES! YEEEESSSSSSSSS! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This is what we’ve all been waiting for. Walt Lemon. In the NBA. Doing things. Yes, I’m aware that he did some things with the Pelicans last year. Do you not think I would be aware of something like that? I was aware. Acutely. However, he did not do…
Read MoreDion Waiters 28 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
I feel like Dion Waiters isn’t going to be remembered when his career is over. All he’s done in his NBA career up to this point is be a volume-scorer on middling playoff teams. At no point has he contributed to a winning team with his play – at best, his indiscriminate shot selection has…
Read MoreShai Gilgeous-Alexander 22 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
Add “Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Midrange-ilation” to the quickly expanding list of -ilations that are going to be slamming your subscription (you did subscribe, didn’t you?????) box during the playoffs/offseason. According to my highlight videos of him, he never misses from that part of the court. Seriously, go back and watch all the vids of him I’ve…
Read MoreJordan Clarkson 26 Points Full Highlights (3/30/2019)
Jordan Clarkson is averaging the most points of his career, but since this section of his career is occurring in Cleveland, and not in Los Angeles, people don’t really care that much. Before, he was a young draft steal in a major market. Now, he’s a chucker on one of the worst teams in the…
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