The inaugural monthly dunkilation of the 2019-20 season is a milestone in many ways. It’s the first dunkilation to be uploaded this season. It’s the first dunkilation to be in 60FPS (mostly). It’s the first dunkilation to show Norvel Pelle getting dunked on.
However, while many things have changed, many things have stayed the same. My dunkilations always strive to remain unbiased towards stardom. My dunkilations always strive to only show the required amount of game action and no more. My dunkilations always strive to include only the most powerful and entertaining dunks. Most importantly, my dunkilations always strive to funnel viewers towards my Patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/downtobuck .
Below you will find a time-stamped list of my thoughts on some of the dunks contained within this tightly-compacted slab of dangerously dope dunkage.
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0:04 The shotclock on the floor is so distracting. I can’t even tell who dunked it because my eye keeps getting drawn to the unexpected circle in the middle of the key. When it changed colors I probably had a seizure.
0:12 I don’t really know who “Cook” is on the Cavaliers. I’m going to assume it’s Daequan Cook until informed otherwise.
0:31 Paul Millsap screams like he’s getting murdered here, but it’s really Jake Layman getting murdered.
0:38 Somebody said a bad word.
0:42 Holmes didn’t just put Smart in the hole, he put him in a grave.
0:56 This isn’t a great dunk and I’m sorry for pandering, but do you see how tall this dude is?
1:16 This is the last time I pander to a mainstream audience, I promise. The rest of this dunkilation is scrubtastic.
1:21 Screaming “YEEEEEEEESSSSS” before Monk even catches the ball was optimistic on the part of the commentator, but it paid off.
1:32 More naughty language. Apologies to all the tender-eared children out there. Also, I’m going to start describing dunks as “artistic”.
1:59 This dunk perfectly exemplifies why Marquese Chris should never, ever pass the ball.
2:16 The locker room ran out of TP so Ja Morant had to use P.J. Tucker’s bald head instead.
2:30 Remember that dunk where LeBron jumped over John Lucas III? This dunk is like that, but way worse.
2:43 Falling down before getting postered is bad enough, but stumbling backwards before falling down before getting postered before having the ball put in your hands as you lie on the court is a new level of embarrassment.
3:14 The ball hit him in the face LOL
3:33 The second replay angle makes this one look super aesthetic. Aesthetic enough that I will suspend use of my “Bum Scrubbins” nickname for the approximately forty-five seconds it took me to write this paragraph.
3:39 I love dunks where it looks like the dunking player is going to get ripped in half by the force of their dunkage.
3:55 Overdramatic reaction from the bench = good indicator of an unexpectedly sick dunk from an unexpected player.
4:26 Two “whoa”s for two totally different reasons.
4:38 If they’re gonna have Klay sit there with a headset, can they at least put him in Bob Fitzgerald’s place please?
4:46 I, for one, have had enough of this tomfoolery.
4:56 The roids are working.
5:20 Is Doug Christie saying “Fox Force Five”? If so, that’s too obscure a reference for my pop-culture-devoid brain.
5:26 Just watching the clip by itself, I give Kelly Oubre an 80% of having torn a vital knee ligament on this awkward landing.
5:45 His head was totally above the rim. At least his forehead was.
5:52 The only good thing that Eric Gordon did for the entire month.
6:14 Look at them…look at them…look at them…COME ON BOGEY LOOK AT MY NUTS
6:36 Simons’ attempt to take the charge was so weak that it actually made the dunk worse.
6:56 Baynes is stumbling around out there like he just got socked in the jaw.
7:10 The commentator decided that his first utterance of “Kelly Krush” didn’t make enough of an impact, so he had to say it again once his co-analyst was done talking. It’s like when you have a funny thing to say in a conversation but can’t work it in until the conversation has moved on but you say it anyway.
7:32 The Mavs’ heavily-miked rim sounded enough like a gunshot that I huddled under my desk and called the cops.
7:45 As of this writing, this dunk is the only bucket that Thanasis Antetokounmpo has made all season.
8:10 The line “elevates and detonates” is giving me brutal flashbacks to Amare-era Suns broadcasts.
8:25 Melli getting dunked on twice in a row…coincidence or not?
8:47 Pause the video right now and try to guess which Martin twin is the one who dunks it.
9:03 It wouldn’t be a dunkilation without a Mike Breen “oh-ho!” If future dunkilations are missing oh-ho’s, I promise to use creative audio editing to rectify the situation.
9:19 Derrick Jones Jr.: King of Thrunks. Also, another good dunk adjective: “nightmarish”.
9:31 No amount of roids could give Collins enough defensive ability to do anything about this dunk.