I need a Cavaliers fan, or perhaps multiple fans, to tell me what exactly is so wrong with Ante “Antetozizpo” Zizic that he doesn’t hardly get any minutes even on a horrible team. Be as specific as possible. It’s freaking me out that I can’t figure it out, because apparently his flaws are so deep…
Read MoreDay: January 6, 2020
Shabazz Napier 21 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
Can Shabazz Napier, you know, like chill out for a bit? Just for one game, then he can go back to scoring 20 all the time. Players like him going off unexpectedly (though it’s starting to become expectedly, at this point) are what I live for, I know, and I’m super hyped that he’s playing…
Read MoreRJ Barrett 24 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
Advanced stats nerds will pull out all sorts of math-y mumbo-jumbo to try and tell unsuspecting fans that RJ Barrett isn’t a very good basketball player. That is their whole reason for existing, to “inform” people that good players are actually bad and, similarly, that bad players are actually good. They love it. It gets…
Read MoreAnfernee Simons 19 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
19 points may not sound like much compared to what we saw him do in the final game of last season, but make no mistake: this performance by Anfernee Simons is a real banger. Normally I’m no big fan of excessive replays, but this video is plastered with them. These buckets demanded replays. I’m imagining…
Read MoreBam Adebayo 20 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
The Heat have had a couple big losses to bad teams, so Bam Adebayo finds himself once again left off of the top 10 on basketball-reference’s MVP tracker, replaced by Kemba Walker. Talk about a snub, if I’m Adebayo, I’m on the phone with those dudes telling them to get their algorithms in order. Casual…
Read MoreDerrick Jones 19 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
I am officially reserving the use of “Career High” when designating a performance by Derrick Jones Jr. for when he scores 20 points. This is the most points he has ever scored in a game, but a “Career High” I will not call it, because what kind of pathetic career high is a mere 19…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 30 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
Jonas Valanciunas already had 20 points less than halfway through the second quarter tonight but, jaded as I am by years of various coaches blatantly mismanaging him, I did not have even a single vision of him scoring 40 enter my mind. Under normal circumstances, where a player has not been cruelly marginalized for their…
Read MoreGorgui Dieng 22 Points/6 Assists/4 Blocks Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
“Dear diary, Recently, a large quantity of the cursed white sand has been deposited onto this land of Minnesota which is forsaken by god. Thankfully, the prophets and soothsayers employed by the local television stations under the title of “weatherman” were accurate in their auguries, and I was able to plan in advance of these…
Read MoreDante Exum Career High 28 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2020)
“This isn’t funny guys,” Dante Exum called out to the empty hallway. A group of his teammates had told him about the “secret media room” where there was “tons of free food” available before games. But Dante had somehow gotten separated from them in the unfamiliar corridors of the Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse, and now he…
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