Whenever a player takes an unexpected fall from hanging on the rim, as Malik Beasley does at the beginning of this video, I have violent flashbacks to Andrew Bogut getting Boguted by Amar’e Stoudemire. I can still hear Bogut’s screams in my ears. I can still see visions of Bogut’s dangling arm, the crucial bone and tissue reduced to a yogurt-like substance, being cradled by the big Aussie as he is hustled off the court. I don’t want any player to relive that terror.
That’s why I’ve come up with a new mechanism which will protect players when they fall from great heights. Part of the credit for this idea has to go to Phoenix Suns commentator Eddie Johnson, who once proposed that a swimming pool underneath the court open up when a player is about to take a hard fall. That idea is obviously non-feasible, but it sparked the spark of inspiration within me.
Basically, the idea is that there are little airbags built into the restricted area as well as parts of the baseline. When courtside sensors detect an object larger than a basketball falling towards that part of the floor, the airbags are automatically activated. The force of their inflation breaks through the specially-designed hardwood at those spots, leaving a perfectly soft and bouncy surface for player to land on.
Overall, the number of player injuries caused by these types of falls are very low, probably around one or two a season at most. However, this new mechanism would reduce this category of injuries to zero. A player could be diving down headfirst towards the court and would walk away with no spine injuries, no fractured skulls, and no concussions. And if the sensors accidentally trigger the airbags, the worst that can happen is that players trip over them. Maybe there’d be rolled ankles or something. That’s a fair price to pay when we almost saw Malik Beasley get decapitated by the floor on live TV.