Who even wants Marc Gasol to come back? Nobody besides Marc himself and maybe his brother Pau (and their third brother who never made it to the league, Andreas or something). Other than that, I don’t know why you would want that old dude to come back to the court and be old when you…
Read MoreDay: March 4, 2020
Davis Bertans 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
You might not like it, but this is what the ideal Davis Bertans highlight video looks like. Just three-pointers. No replays. No two-point field goals. No defense. Just a tall Latvian dude making sweet splash music out of the net and spontaneously impregnating hundreds of Latvian women with each of his threejaculations. If you’re clicking…
Read MoreRui Hachimura 20 Points Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
Yuta Watanabe of the Memphis Grizzlies has been getting some small amounts of burn lately, which means that the battle between Rui Hachimura and Yuta Watanabe for the title of “Best Japanese NBA Player” is actually a battle. It’s not much of a battle, but it is a battle because both combatants are active and…
Read MoreCameron Johnson 21 Points Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
Cameron “Caveman Devin Booker” Johnson has had a pretty nice rookie campaign overall. He’s right around the quality of play that you want your 11th-overall pick to be at. His three-point shooting is right around 40% and he’s had some good dunks too. And now, on his 24th birthday, he’s gone and added “twenty-point game”…
Read MoreMychal Mulder 15 Points Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
Before you watch this video, I am requiring you pass a small quiz in order to determine your worthiness. This is to bar bandwagon fans from being able to watch it and derive enjoyment from it (enjoyment, as a rule, is off-limits to bandwagoners). Post your answers in the comments. If you get them all…
Read MoreDragan Bender 14 Points Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
As much as it pains me to say it, Dragan Bender was getting held down in Milwaukee. You can make a compelling argument that he DESERVED to get held down, but it’s not an argument that I would agree with. He’s shown just enough skill in this league to deserve a rotation spot. Not a…
Read MoreP.J. Washington 19 Points Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
It’s too early in P.J. Washington’s career to make an official pronouncement like this, but what the hell, I’m doing it anyway because I need some material for this video description and I haven’t come up with anything else. OFFICIAL DTB PRONOUNCEMENT: P.J. Washington PEAKED in his first game, and thus earned the MCWPWPIHFG award….
Read MoreJames Johnson 19 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
I don’t think most people realize that James Johnson is getting paid fifteen million dollars this season and has a player option for sixteen million dollars next season (if you’re like me and all these contractual concepts confuse you, a “player option” is when the player can just tell his team “you have to pay…
Read MoreMalik Beasley 28 Points Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
I really hope that Michael Beasley, wherever he is, is doing okay. I cannot help but think of him and his stint with the Timberwolves while seeing Malik Beasley do pretty much the same things (basically scoring and that’s it) for the same team that he was doing but better. Michael Beasley’s high scoring season…
Read MoreZion Williamson 25 Points Full Highlights (3/3/2020)
In one of my recent Zion Williamson video descriptions (I don’t remember which one, all these Zion highlights are blurring together into an indistinct mass of black skin, dunks, and wobbly running), I bemoaned the fact that the Pelicans’ color commentator is unbearable. I then put forward my plan to use the commentators of the…
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