According to Kyle O’Quinn (who has never shown himself to be anything other than a reliable source of information), Raul Neto is the best Monopoly player on the 76ers. Al Horford, meanwhile, is the worst. These tidbits of knowledge are the exact trivia items I need in my life. What could lend more humanity to faraway NBA players making unfathomable amount of money than finding out who among them sucks at board games and who among them is good at board games?
Do they have Monopoly in Brazil? They must. Nobody is born being good at that game because the rules are unintuitive. I’m qualified to say that because I personally don’t understand the rules, and I’m a fairly smart person, therefore the rules are unintuitive. If they were intuitive, a smart person like me would get them right away.
The only variant of Monopoly I understand is McDonald’s Monopoly (which it seems like they haven’t done for like a decade). The rules of that were simple: if you eat enough Big Macs, you win a free car, or something. I had a friend in elementary school who claimed he got the “Park Place” piece, but I know he was lying because there were only five of those ever made and they all went to the same McDonald’s. Meanwhile I had a bajillion “Broadway”s that kept me forever tantalized that I would finally complete the blue section of the board and win the cruise to the Bahamas. I was a dumb eight year old.
Now we just need to find out who on the Sixers is the best at the ancient east Asian board game of Go (also known as Baduk or Weiqi). The rules of Go are way more intuitive than Monopoly but the game itself is significantly harder to master (as in impossible to master). I bet all the Sixers suck at it. Meanwhile I’m 14 kyu, get on my level scrubz.