Daniel Theis is completely outplaying Marc Gasol in this series and I am loving every moment of it. We’re not going to bring their nationalities into it (not that Germans and Spaniards hate each other as far as I know) but we are going to bring their continentalities into it: both are from Europe so that makes the battle even more intense.
Actually, yeah, let’s bring their nationalities into it. Germany is owning Spain right now, not just on the basketball court, but in all measures of economic vitality. Their cuisine is also way better. I could eat wienerschnitzel all day every day. Paella, on the other hand, is the most vile concoction this side of Swedish meatballs. Take that Jonas Jerebko. And take that Marc Gasol. Daniel Theis owns both of you right now.
Gasol is visibly slower than he was last year. He also can’t finish, and he can’t shoot, so he honestly provides about 10% of the offensive output that you would get out of somebody like Jonas Valanciunas (now we’re bringing Lithuania into this free-for-all Euro bloodbath). Sure, he can still pass and play some defense, but his zero-ness in every other facet of basketball makes him a liability. Was he an important positive contributor to the Raptors’ championship run last season? Sure. But he’s also an important negative contributor to the Raptors’ flailing playoff run this season.
Theis, on the other hand, is supremely mobile (I saw him lock down Kemba Walker last game I swear), supremely adept at finishing at the rim, and he has a supremely okay jumpshot. Not a great jumpshot, but it doesn’t make me physically cry out in pain when he shoots it, so that makes it “okay”. His ten PPG per game isn’t much, but it’s more than Gasol’s six PPG per game. Best of all, he’s just 27 years old, which means he has some prime years left in him, which means that Celtics fans can happily think to themselves “Theis is going to be doing work for the Celtics for years to come”. Meanwhile, Raptors fans can only lament the fact that Gasol is probably going to retire in disgrace and immediately balloon to 400 pounds on a diet which consists solely of paella, gazpacho, and a 15% national unemployment rate.