Last time I made highlights for this guy I recklessly got over-hyped and accidentally ordered a 12-foot-tall 3D-printed purple statue of a naked Buddy Hield. Well, the thing finally arrived, and after the delivery guy laughed at me for a bit (that was mean of him), he agreed to help me drag it inside. It was surprisingly light-weight given how huge it was, so that was good because I’m kind of a weakling and I get tired easily when I have to do physical labor.
The most embarrassing part was that the cute Latina who lives upstairs from me was watching me as I wrangled with this gigantic purple monstrosity. I bet she wants to wrangle with MY gigantic purple monstrosity but that’s another story. Anyway, she was giggling from her upstairs window as I removed all the packaging while the thing was still on my porch (you think I want a mountain of packing peanuts that my little kitty Japurri’s just going to choke on?) and I tried to ignore her.
Now I’ve got this huge Buddy Hield statue in my living room and his exposed package is distracting me. Japurri took a liking to him and is curled up his chest, so not only is this naked purple Buddy Hield making me question my sexuality, but my frickin’ cat likes him more than he likes me. I don’t know what the next step is but it might involve using a kitchen knife to try to saw Buddy into pieces so I can stuff him in my closet and never look at him again.
I can’t believe I paid $3,300 dollars for this thing just so I could get mocked and betrayed by everybody close to me. God damn it.