I feel like I’m the only person in the universe who truly appreciates what Wayne Ellington is doing this season for the Heat. And that’s fine. Being so isolated allows me to maintain my undeserved sense of superiority over others. And the best part about being Ellington’s only fan is I don’t have to share the shrine I built in my closet dedicated to him. Nobody else cares to see my elaborately-carved wooden totems of the Waynemaker so I get to spend all my time there without having to wait in any lines.
If you do want to come see my Waynemaker shrine, the entry fee is $50, and you have to come visit it in the middle of the night since I’m technically not allowed to charge admission for a religious gathering that I’m running out of my bedroom closet. The police have made it very clear to me that I will get arrested if I’m caught doing it again so that means it has to be a super-duper secret. But if you’re a true Wayne Ellington adherent (there aren’t many of us), then it’s definitely worth the trip. I promise not to abduct you. That’s another thing that the police warned me not to do.