Last night I had a dream that I lived in a house made entirely out of Jae Crowder’s dreadlocks. I probably ate too many cheesy-flavor potato chips before bed or something, but that doesn’t matter. I would gorge on chips every night of the week if it meant I got to spend five hours of dreamtime snuggling up with Crowder’s hair. Which is basically what I did last night. I wouldn’t classify it as an erotic experience despite my being naked for the entirety of the dream, but I definitely had a blast rolling around in the thick tendrils of Crowder’s luscious black hair. It was so soft and comforting. My psyche is probably trying to compensate for my lack of a GF or something, but again, I would never have a GF again if it meant that every night I was transported to a magical realm where everything is made out of Crowder’s dreads.
You can imagine how disappointing it was to wake up this morning to find out my pillow wasn’t made out of hair and my blanket was just some stupid cotton-blend thing. I almost didn’t even get out of bed but then I remembered that I still had to make a Jae Crowder highlight video, and that I could at least share my story in the video description. Seeing Crowder’s performance up close just makes me want to hug his dreadlocks even more, to be honest.