Shhh. Let me enjoy this moment. Let me enjoy the tortured shrieks of Lakers fans who are watching their championship aspirations crumble around them like so much worthless dust.
My eyes are closed now. The only sense I am currently using is my sense of hearing. Can you hear them too? Can you hear the cries of pathetic Lakers fans who think that championships are their god-given right? It is a relaxing sound, somehow. The agony soothes me. Behind closed eyelids, my eyes provide me imagined scenes of bandwagons burning, of skin melting off faces, of Larry O’Brien trophies being held aloft by other teams while LeBron and Co. writhe in pain on the ground. Dion Waiters is there too. He writhes with the rest of them, even though he played only four total minutes in the Lakers’ playoff run.
I have never known such bliss.
If your meditative state doesn’t entertain you as much as mine does, you can watch this video instead and get a taste of my elation. Witness Dion Waiters score meaningless points against a “worse” team that blew them out. What is LeBron doing right now? Weeping alone in his hotel room. And also talking with his agent on the phone to arrange a trade to the other LA team.