OFFICIAL DTB REMINDER: It is codified in the constitution of Australia (a document which is known simply as the “Australian Constitution”; nobody ever accused Australians of having much in the way of creativity) that all Australian citizens must watch at least one (1) NBA highlight video featuring an Australian-born player per day. The penalty for flaunting this mandate is also codified in the Australian Constitution, and it is jarringly extrajudicial: ignoring all forms of courts and trials, those Australians who fail to watch their required daily Australian NBA highlight video are throw into a large cage which also contains a pack of fifty starving wallabies. These cute, bouncy little animals can do a surprising amount of damage, especially when they’re cruelly underfed.
Nobody has ever survived the Wallaby Arena. I won’t go into any more detail than that, since detailed descriptions of the Arena’s victims would be far beyond the realm of good taste.
Since all Australians are compelled by their Australian citizenship to watch videos on YouTube of their countrymates balling out, I have stepped up my game and am offering a brand new Australian highlight video that will help Australians meet this requirement. In less than two minutes, you can do your civic duty while also being entertained at the same time. The roving bands of taser-wielding Enforcerbots, which are hooked directly into the country’s internet infrastructure and can review your internet browsing history at any time, will spare you tonight. But all it takes is one slip-up, and then…
…the wallabies.