The Milwaukee Bucks were jubilant. They had just beaten the Heat on a last-second miracle the previous night, and their flight out of Miami wasn’t until the evening, meaning they had a whole day to enjoy the finest South Beach had to offer.
—————————————-———————
“Hey Ers! Me and some of the guys are heading to the beach, and we are wondering if maybe you want to join in? I know you have hot wife in Milwaukee, but she not have to know about all hot latina chicas you are ogling and maybe banging!” Zaza Pachulia said, shifting back and forth on his heels in excitement. “We are not having another chance like this again!”
Ersan Ilyasova was dismissive. “I think I pass on this one, do you remember what happened last time I join teammates on trip to beach? Bad things. I am not eager to repeat.”
“What do you mean ‘bad thing’? Like sunburn? That is nothing, come on, we are taking you to beach.”
“Fine, fine, I go, but let me get ready first. I meet you in lobby.”
—————————————-———————
Giannis Antetokounmpo laughed. “There’s Ersan!”
Ersan had walked out of the elevator, wearing several layers of warm clothing, looking more suited to a Milwaukee snowmobile ride than a Miami beach excursion.
“You do know, Ersan, that we’re not in Milwaukee anymore?” Miles Plumlee, wearing nothing but swim trunks with a beach towel slung over his shoulder, said as he looked Ersan up and down. “You’re gonna bring down the whole group looking like that, and none of us are going to get any action!” He whined.
Ersan shrugged his well-hidden shoulders. “It is all part of plan. I lure chicks in with my handsome face and charming personality, but they know not the quality of my muscles. Then, when I take off clothe, they are even more enamored and want to have Ilyasova for dessert! Come on, guys, let’s bang some chicks!”
The assembled group laughed, surprised at Ersan’s sudden change of heart.
—————————————-———————
Ersan sat in a beach chair, barely moving. He knew this had been a bad idea. Sweat poured off of him in buckets, and he was more exhausted than after even the hardest workout. The sun, even through his thick sunglasses, was almost too much to bear.
“Damn, look at the ass on that one.” OJ Mayo said, nudging Ersan with his elbow as a voluptuous Brazilian beauty walked by.
Ersan was hardly paying attention. “It’s maybe an acceptable ass for a lecher such as yourself, OJ, but Ersan, he wants more!”
“What are you talking about man, that’s def the biggest ass I’ve seen this whole time, and we’ve been out here for almost an hour! Screw it, I’m talking to her.” OJ replied as he ran after the now departed heinie.
“Dude, Ers, are you gonna be dismissive of every girl you see? They’re like a 100 times better than the ones in Milwaukee, and you’re sitting here saying that their butts are too big, or too small, or they have pointy shoulders, or some other made-up flaw! Come on, get up, there’s one over there next to the water with a friend, we can both get some action, let’s go!”
Miles grabbed Ersan’s arm and dragged him over to where two bikini-clad women were standing. Ersan put up no resistance; he was too weak to do anything but trudge through the sand.
—————————————-———————
“Hey ladies, Did you sit in some piles of sugar? Cause you have pretty sweet asses!” Miles had saved this pickup line for a special occasion.
The two laughed and smiled. As Ersan stood back a little bit, Miles struck up a lively conversation.
“Seriously Ers, get over here, don’t be a party pooper!” Miles tried to push Ersan towards the group.
“Actually, Miles, not feeling so good, maybe I head back to hotel.” Ersan replied as he resisted.
“Oh no you’re not!” There was a struggle, and soon Ersan’s sunglasses fell off his face.
“You idiot, what have you done!” Ersan dropped to the sand, groping for his eyewear, but it was already too late. He curled up into a ball, grabbing at his eyes, which were smoking. As the two females screamed and ran away, his face began to melt, turning to liquid in his hands. He began to scream as well.
“Wha…” Miles stammered, not believing what he was seeing. Hearing the commotion, the rest of the Bucks ran over to the scene. The screams had died out now; the women were long gone now, and Ersan’s disintegration had rendered him unable to speak. As they watched, stunned, the disgusting transformation quickened, soon leaving their teammate nothing but a pile of red sludge covered by a sweatshirt and sweatpants.
OJ Mayo ran up to the group. “Hey guys, damn you won’t believe it, I just got that chick’s number, she’s totally down to fu… whoa. What’s that? And where’s Ers?
“Remember when I said Ersan was a vampire and you laugh?” Giannis replied, gesturing at the reddened sand.