Montrezl “Mon-Trezzle” Harrell is like the ultimate hustle player. Think back to the late great Jon Brockman. You think Brockman had lots of hustle? Harrell is like Brockman 2.0. No, Brockman 3.0. Not only is he Jon Brockman 3.0, but he’s also like a hybrid test tube baby of DeAndre Jordan and Blake Griffin. Given…
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Jonas Valanciunas 23 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
I don’t get it. Certain advanced stats paint Jonas Valanciunas to be an absolute beast. He averages 18/13 per 36 minutes, meaning he could give you an easy 15/10 on great percentages if he was played the minutes that a starting center usually receives. His win-shares are consistently in the “sick” range. But the big…
Read MoreClint Capela Career High 28 Points/9 Dunks/5 Blocks Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
“Hey James, great game tonight, thanks for all those lobs.” Clint Capela said to his teammate, holding out an angled arm to receive a hand-clasp and hug. “You know it man,” James Harden responded, pulling Clint into a hug. “You made Cousins into a little bitch, especially when you swiped your balls right over the…
Read MoreJordan Bell 11 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
“Yes. Yes. I will create a Jordan Bell video,” I say out loud to myself as I dangerously tap my fingers together in the manner of a movie villain. “And by making it, I will expose all the bandwagon Warriors fans, who will watch only to prove that they can identify players on the team…
Read MoreJrue Holiday 37 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
Jrue Holiday and E’Twaun Moore must have set some kind of tandem scoring/efficiency records tonight. 16 out of 21 for Holiday, 15 out of 20 for Moore, D’Antoni-ball was in full force tonight. Both of them cooled off a bit later in the game, for a while it looked like we were going to get…
Read MoreE’Twaun Moore Career High 36 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
You have two cookies. You eat one. What do you do next? E’twaun Moore! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Special thanks to YouTube user Kyle Lowry (presumably not the real deal) for that joke. You da real MVP) I chose the right Pelicans game to watch tonight. One of my favorite role-players, E’Twaun Moore, having the game of…
Read MoreAndrew Harrison 16 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
Andrew Harrison is the last of the Harrison twins still in the league. Aaron flamed out after barely getting to play last year, while Andrew, even while sucking, gets to play a bunch of backup PG for the Grizzlies. If I’m Aaron, I’m super pissed, because objectively, I’m the same quality player as my brother…
Read MoreBam Adebayo 14 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
Coming into tonight’s game, Edrice “Bam” Adebayo had dunked it on 21 of his 31 made shots. Can you say dunkilation? Sadly, he only dunked it on 2 of 5 shots tonight, so his dunk percentage will plummet. My hope for a nothing-but-dunk season for him ended a long time ago, but it’s still sad….
Read MoreBobby Portis 23 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
Bobby Portis and Nikola Mirotic took a break from punching each other in the face tonight, instead focusing their fists on a new foe: the Boston Celtics. Together, united in hatred of a common enemy, they repeatedly rammed their fists into the testicles of the Celtics, with Portis scoring a career-high 23 and Mirotic scoring…
Read MoreNikola Mirotic 24 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)
I seriously don’t see why they need to give you so much food at Chinese restaurants. Is one person supposed to be able to eat all that General Tso’s chicken? Not to mention the “free” Crab Rangoons that I DIDN’T EVEN ASK FOR. Those things aren’t even good. Where’s the crab? There’s hardly any crab…
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