Stern has recently commissioned my services as an expert NBA analyst. He wishes me to tabulate a list of the most dynamic, high-flying point guard-big man duos in the league. From what I understand, this information will be used by the NBA’s marketing department in deciding who to feature in television advertisements. Without further ado,…
Read MoreErsan Ilyasova 19 Points/6 Assists/1 Statue of Liberty Dunk Full Highlights (11/22/2013)
“Come on Ersan, this is Miami, you can’t not come out and party with us,” Larry Sanders chided. “Me and the guys are going to go hit the beaches, try to pick up some fine chicas.” Ersan waved him off. “Go without me. I need stays here and, uh…watch game tape.” Larry grabbed him by…
Read MoreKyle Singler Career High 22 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2013)
So the Pistons have realized that starting Josh Smith with their spacing-challenged frontcourt was a bad idea and doomed to failure. They’ve taken him out of the starting line up. Shooting 5 threes on sub-30% is not the thing you want to do if you want to keep your job, I guess. And they’ve replaced…
Read MoreCaron Butler 38 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2013)
Caron Butler sucks. Do not be fooled by this expertly compiled highlight package. I’ve watched every Bucks game. He has sucked in all of them. Of all the many facets of basketball in which he displays inadequate competency, shot selection is the most glaring. He is a chucker, but not the good kind (if there…
Read MoreJordan Hamilton 17 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2013)
Is this the year that Jordan Hamilton puts it all together? Because I feel like Nuggets fans have been waiting a pretty long time and it hasn’t really happened yet. His current status is “young player with overstated potential”. Which means that if you have a sweet trade idea you can’t include him unless LeBron…
Read MoreMike Dunleavy 15 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2013)
OFFICIAL FLAT THINGS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Pancakes 2. Mike Dunleavy’s Face 3. Topography of Kansas
Read MoreSpencer Hawes 28 Points/10 Rebounds/3 Threes Full Highlights (11/20/2013)
I used to think Spencer “The Mullet” Hawes sucked. But Spencer has proved me wrong. For completeness, here is a list of the only other things that I have ever been wrong about in my life: -People will watch Spencer Hawes highlights if you just give them the chance -J.J. Hickson could average 20 and…
Read MoreBeno Udrih 19 Points Full Highlights (11/20/2013)
Beno Udrih is a continuation of the Knicks’ strategy last year: find the oldest, most savvy vets and acquire them on reasonable deals. Udrih isn’t all that old, but what he lacks in years he makes up for in savviness. I’d consider him top 10 in that category. He seems like a good idea in…
Read MoreAnthony Davis 22 Points/8 Blocks Full Highlights (11/20/2013)
Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals. Pelicans down by one. 15 seconds left. Jrue Holiday holds the ball at the top waiting for the play to develop. Anthony Davis begs for the ball in the right high post with Tim Duncan right on his back. He receives it. He faces up, fakes left, and…
Read MoreAndray Blatche 25 Points Full Highlights (11/20/2013)
Blatche tried to focus in the timeout, but he was never that good at running plays or listening to that motivational mumbo-jumbo. Usually what he did was look for hot girls in the stands that he might be able to get with later. That was what he was doing now – scanning the lower bowl…
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