“Dear Father, I hope your life remains productive and happy back in the homeland, because with the daily torment of my worsening hair loss, my own life is neither productive nor happy. Your latest lock of hair, which you alleged came from the head of one of the clan of gypsies who cursed our family…
Read MoreJames Johnson 18 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
It seems like so long ago that the Kings signed James Johnson to be a core member of their lineup and then he totally stank it up for them, garnering negative win-shares and having his already-iffy jumpshoot ability completely sapped out of him like he got surprise-attacked by the Monstars. Then Memphis reclaimed him, and,…
Read MoreWill Barton 25 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
Nuggets fans are, perhaps understandably, often annoyed with Will Barton for his hero-ball tendencies at the end of games. I totally get it. High-confidence, low-success players often enrage their fanbases with their late-game antics. I distinctly remember Avery Bradley catching plenty of flak from Pistons fans for missing game-winners, and I would certainly be mad…
Read MoreMario Hezonja 15 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
Given that Mario Hezonja had five turnovers and only went 1-of-6 on field goal attempts inside the arc, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that this wasn’t one of his better games. In fact, this is the game that finally pushed his turnover total (45) above his assist total (44), leaving him…
Read MoreRoyce O’Neale 18 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
Royce “Shaquillee” O’Neale is already 24? So what was he doing between not getting drafted and randomly appearing on the Jazz opening night roster? Sitting around on a couch in his mom’s basement and jacking it to Japanese cartoons? Because that’s what I was doing between the ages of 21 and 24. I looked it…
Read MoreGerald Green 17 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
If these national TV commentators bring up the fact that Gerald Green was cut by the Bucks before the season started, I’m going to start a novelty twitter account called “NBA on BSPN” where I make fun of various ESPN personalities interspersed with crude descriptions of excretory functions. I KNOW that the Bucks had him…
Read MoreDanilo Gallinari 24 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
Danilo Gallinari looks totally cooked from an athletic standpoint. As recently as last year he was putting dudes on posters, but all those leg injuries have taken their toll and now he can barely jump. If I had to watch this guy on a game-to-game basis I would get so sad. Luckily, I don’t, and…
Read MoreIsh Smith 25 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
I think this game is the best I’ve ever seen Ish Smith play. Not just the best he’s played as a Piston, but the best, PERIOD. Highlight after highlight. So many highlights that I had no choice but to take them all and compile them into one single video for your enjoyment, encrichment, and edification….
Read MoreNikola Jokic 19 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
I just can’t get a read on the Nuggets. Are they good? Are they merely okay? They seem like they should be good, like they had this win against the Warriors, but they also lose games that they really shouldn’t. Perhaps we’ll find out more once Paul Millsap comes back, but hopefully not, because I…
Read MorePaul Zipser 16 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2018)
Does Paul “Zipskrieg” Zipser look a little bit like a mini Omer Asik to you? He totally does. Father and son reunited at last on the Chicago Bulls for real right now. There’s not much similarity between their respective games besides that they both suck, but that thumbnail is freaking me out. It’s so eerie….
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