It is well-known among NBA fans that if you have a good game against a subpar defender or subpar defensive team, the good game doesn’t count. Taking that into account, Austin “Save Me from the D-League Daddy” Rivers’ efficient 8-of-11 shooting night is made null by the fact that Slow Joe Ingles was guarding him…
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Austin Rivers 21 Points/8 Assists/1 Injury Full Highlights (4/29/2016)
“Daddy! I’m bleeding!” Austin Rivers wailed, clutching his face. “DADDY!!!!” But Doc Rivers sat impassively on the bench, not indicating in any way that he had heard his son’s cries. As trainers hustled over to where Austin lay, he remained in his seat. “Daddy?” Austin said hopefully as he saw a pair of feet walking…
Read MoreAustin Rivers Career High 32 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights – INSANE Shooting, BUST! (3/31/2016)
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Read MoreAustin Rivers 16 Points Full Highlights (3/23/2016)
Austin “Worst Rookie PER Ever” Rivers is no longer in the running for the “worst player in the league” award, but he is definitely still in the running for the “player who gets minutes because of his famous last name” award. Trust me, these awards exist and I give them out every year. If you…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 16 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (1/31/2016)
Austin Rivers making five three-pointers in one game has got to be one of the more unexpected statistical aberrations we’ve seen this season. Even after this downpour of triples, he’s averaging well under one made three per game. I just had a statistical aberration too. Usually I try to eat my breakfast-flavor Hot Pockets really…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 17 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2016)
You can say all the mean things about Austin Rivers that you want (there are a lot of them, and I myself have said quite a few of them), but at least he doesn’t punch out equipment managers, unlike a certain other unnamed Clipper whose name rhymes with rake. Or, if he does punch out…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 26 Points Full Highlights (1/2/2016)
I got all excited when I saw Austin River’s stats for tonight, because, in the darkened neuronal pathways of my feeble mind, it meant that he had had two good games in a row! Neglecting, of course, his 9 point performance between this game, where he scored 26, and Thursday’s game, where he scored 22….
Read MoreAustin Rivers 22 Points Full Highlights (12/30/2015)
I’ve had an epiphany, and I refuse to make fun of Austin Rivers anymore. I was thinking about how much I enjoy making highlights, and how sad I would be if all anyone could ever say about me is how GD and DawkIns are better than me, despite me being pretty good at it. And…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 17 Points Full Highlights (11/27/2015)
The Clippers bench, despite the crowing of Clippers fans during the offseason, really kind of sucks this year. Granted, there wasn’t much that coach/proud father/GM/ref-starer Doc Rivers could do given the limited resources at his disposal. I mean, who the heck would ever want Spencer Hawes? He found someone who did. That right there is…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 16 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2015)
Austin Rivers squirmed and grimaced in his bed. The tormenting dreams were back again. Finally, his eyes flew open, and the terror of the dream caused him to burst into tears. “Daddy! Daddy!” Doc Rivers came running into his son’s bedroom, flipped on the light, and immediately put a comforting arm around Austin’s shoulders. “What’s…
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