Kris “The Dunnwich Horror” Dunn apparently has a “pelvis contusion” right now and is day-to-day. I had to look up what “contusion” is because do I look like a doctor to you? After doing some seriously in-depth research, I found out that contusion is when you contuse something. So Kunn contused his pelvis. Since I…
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Lauri Markkanen 30 Points Full Highlights (2/6/2019)
Normally I would be getting on Lauri Markkanen’s case for making a layup with two seconds left in a game that was obviously going to be a loss. Not because of any feeble argument about “sportsmanship” (a concept which does not encompass whining about players playing until the end of the game), but because I…
Read MoreLauri Markkanen 30 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2019)
Thirteen free throws is by far the career high for Lauri Markkanen in that stat. His previous career highs were seven attempts and six makes; Markkanen nearly doubled those totals by making all thirteen of his attempts in this game. Usually, career-highs in a stat are something to be celebrated, but there is nothing more…
Read MoreBobby Portis 33 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2019)
Bobby Portis absolutely torched the Hornets in the first half, scoring 28 points from all areas of the court. Using the fantastic powers of your human brain, apply the concepts of mathematics to figure out how many points he scored in the second half, knowing that information as well as the knowing the title of…
Read MoreWayne Selden 20 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (1/30/2019)
Wayne Selden and Bobby Portis seem to have a bit of chemistry together. It was only this one game and it was only four assists, but all inter-teammate chemistry has to start somewhere. And it’s a good idea in general to attempt to build chemistry with Portis, because he has clearly demonstrated in the past…
Read MoreBobby Portis 26 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2019)
Since I’m chronically running low on material to pad out my video descriptions, I decided to do some Google-aided research in order to find out if Bobby Portis’s “crazy eye” condition has a proper medical term, or if you just call it “bugged out eyes”. As it turns out, the OFFICIAL MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY for bugged…
Read MoreJabari Parker 22 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2019)
When Jabari Parker has games like these, it’s easy to forget that every advanced stat in the universe hates his guts (and he probably hates those stats right back). It’s easy to forget that he literally told the media that he doesn’t see the point of playing defense. It’s easy to forget that his knee…
Read MoreWayne Selden 15 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2019)
Raise your hand if you, as neither a fan of the Bulls or the Grizzlies, realized that Wayne Selden had been traded from Memphis to Chicago. I’m expecting a lot of hands up here. I haven’t fully succeeded in purging my channel of casuals, but I have made great progress. I don’t want anyone watching…
Read MoreLauri Markkanen 22 Points Full Highlights (1/23/2019)
You could tell, watching this game, that Stacey King was starting to lose it. When things are going bad for the Bulls, he gets antsy and starts saying weird things. Case in point: with the Bulls down by double-digits to the Hawks (who are not a good team), he suggested, multiple times, that Lauri Markkanen…
Read MoreBobby Portis 21 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2019)
The Bulls are 2-13 in contests where Bobby Portis ignores the orders of the entire coaching staff screaming at him and inserts himself into the game. When he doesn’t do that, and instead sits blithely on the bench in a painkiller-induced reverie, they’re… 8-23. So, not even that much better. I don’t know what point…
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