What would it take to get Tomas Satoransky to be more aggressive? Alteratively, what would it take to get Zach LaVine to be less aggressive? For the second one, I’m thinking “multi-limb amputation”, and for the first one, “tell him that Zach LaVine got into an accident with a farming implement”. But there’s got to…
Read MoreTag: Chicago Bulls
Denzel Valentine 16 Points Full Highlights (12/14/2019)
Denzel Valentine had been dead for a very, very long time. It’s not often these days that players miss whole seasons due to injury (as compared to the old days, when medical technology was so primitive that stubbing your toe was a two-week kind of injury and any ligament damage at all was grounds for…
Read MoreCoby White 19 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2019)
A surfeit of really good scoring performances from Coby White has managed to distract the casual NBA fan (or even the slightly more informed NBA fan) from his overall dismal shooting numbers. That’s okay, because casuals (due to their disgusting ignorance and worthless opinions) deserve to be fooled and tricked as much as possible. And…
Read MoreDaniel Gafford 14 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (12/9/2019)
Daniel Gafford’s 21-point performance a few weeks ago will love forever in my mind for two reasons. Reason one: it was frickin’ 21 points for a rookie who had done nothing but score zero points/get DNPs for the first 15 games of his career. Reason two: it was against the Bucks, and why do scrubs…
Read MoreKris Dunn 16 Points Full Highlights (12/8/2019)
Kris Dunn was disappointing enough during his rookie season with the Timberwolves that he was mostly considered a throw-in on the blockbuster Jimmy Butler trade. The Bulls were probably like, “Can you also send over that bust dude you have? That way your fans don’t have to think about him and get mad anymore,” and…
Read MoreTomas Satoransky 19 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (11/27/2019)
I don’t know if I’m just a moron or unobservant or what, but I completely didn’t realize that Tomas “Czech Your Privilege” Satoransky is averaging career-highs in points and assists this season. My assumption was that since the Bulls are kinda playing like a big pile of booty and have been playing like booty for…
Read MoreCoby White 28 Points Full Highlights (11/23/2019)
Zach LaVine, with his 49 points, 13 threes, and game-winning shot, is the hero of this miraculous win against the Hornets, but let’s not forget about the contributions of Coby White. First off, he was a big part of the trio who successfully forced the Hornets into the late turnover that cost them the game,…
Read MoreShaquille Harrison 15 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/20/2019)
The Bulls have been struggling a bit, so why not do what every struggling team does once or a dozen times during the season: shake up the starting lineup with people you just recalled from the G-League! Shove Shaquille Harrison in there with Tomas Satoransky and Zach LaVine to form some sort of positionless 6-7…
Read MoreDaniel Gafford 21 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (11/18/2019)
If the Bucks had lost to the Bulls because some rookie whose career totals were 2 fouls and 1 block over four games decided to go absolutely nuts and actually score points for once, I would’ve been pretty upset. You know how I always make fun of fanbases for uttering the phrase “why do scrubs…
Read MoreCoby White 26 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (11/14/2019)
Coby White started off this game the same way he finished his last game (a reminder: he hit 7 threes in the fourth quarter). I was NOT happy. That’s what I get for actually watching the Bucks: a floppy-haired rookie coming in and making a whole bunch of threes. He had five of them in…
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