Why can’t the Bucks play the 76ers all the time? I’m serious right now. There’s nothing in the rule book that says the league can’t schedule the full 82-game slate to be played between two teams and only those two teams. It’s not illegal as far as I know. The only thing that’s stopping this…
Read MoreTag: Jabari Parker
Jabari Parker 14 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2015)
The Milwaukee Bucks’ season is over. Flashes of good play are followed by long stretches of ineptitude on both sides of the ball. Playoffs? Don’t talk to me about playoffs. Which means that there is no reason, NO REASON, that Jabari shouldn’t be getting all the touches he wants on offense. It wouldn’t lead to…
Read MoreJabari Parker 19 Points Full Highlights (12/12/2015)
Hypothetically, how would Jabari Parker feel after being benched for scrublord Michael Carter-Williams during the whole fourth quarter in a Bucks’ hypothetical upset win over the streaking Warriors, a win that would have been hypothetically caused, in part, due to his excellent play in the first three quarters? This is all hypothetical. I bet he…
Read MoreJabari Parker 17 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (12/5/2015)
When will the Bucks make Jabari Parker (more like Chubari Porker LOL!) the centerpiece of the offense and force-feed him the ball? That’s what the Wolves did with Wiggins and the marketing slogan “we are all witnesses” seems to fit pretty well there. Why shouldn’t we also be able say that about Jabari and the…
Read MoreJabari Parker 16 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (11/30/2015)
I’m done waiting. I want Jabari Parker to be a beast right now, I don’t want to have to deal with this pesky “winning games” business. How is he supposed to be a beast if he can’t even just take the ball and shoot it whenever he wants? Andrew Wiggins didn’t have to deal with…
Read MoreJabari Parker 14 Points Full Highlights (11/19/2015)
Did anybody else freak out a little bit when Jabari started screaming while coming down from that dunk? I don’t want to lie to you guys, I almost started crying in the immediate aftermath. Then he got up and was running around like normal, but I was still a little bit shaken and I couldn’t…
Read MoreJabari Parker All 129 Field Goals Full Highlights (2014-2015 Rookie Season Bucketilation Part II)
(Feb. 16, 2015) Well, we traded for that guy MCW. Brandon Knight visited before he left for Phoenix. We hugged but I was smiling inside because he never passed me the ball. I would have averaged 20 if he could look at anything other than the basket. Last night I had another dream about Grant…
Read MoreJabari Parker All 129 Field Goals Full Highlights (2014-2015 Rookie Season Bucketilation Part I)
(Dec. 16, 2014) Dear diary, I can’t believe it. I was playing better and better every day and then my knee just gives out on me. The MRI results just came back and it confirms what everybody thought: my ACL is all blown up. When I got the news I threw up all over the…
Read MoreJabari Parker 15 Points Full Highlights (12/9/2014)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled description to bring you this very important update: Jabari Parker needs more touches in the second half of games. Every game it’s the same story: he starts off well, scoring a couple buckets early. Then his touches start dwindling, he gets benched for a while, and he never regains his…
Read MoreJabari Parker 14 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (12/5/2014)
The unforgiving madness of “Bradley Center Bratwurst Barbarity” continued without end. Naked except for his undies, Jabari Parker worked on the sixth of ten uncooked bratwurst sausages which he was supposed to consume. He was fairly certain that he would not win this contest; Giannis had already finished the brats, and was on the second…
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