“I don’t even want to know what’s going on here,” Tyler Johnson commented as he walked towards his locker, which was right next to Kelly Oubre’s. “No. You definitely don’t,” Kelly replied as he pulled on the ninja outfit that he had ordered online. Once this garment was on his body, he took out several…
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Kelly Oubre 23 Points Full Highlights (2/4/2019)
Kelly Oubre approached Devin Booker in the locker room after the game. “Hey Devin, I gotta tell you something.” Devin looked up from his phone. “You’re finally gotta smash that lady in the third row behind the bench who’s been making sexy eyes at you ever since you got traded here?” Kelly blinked once, twice….
Read MoreKelly Oubre 24 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2019)
Devin Booker walked up to Kelly Oubre’s locker and pointed at the terrarium that was on the shelf. “You keeping pets in here now, too?” Kelly Oubre sighed. “Devin, just when I think that you could not get any more ignorant, a statement leaves your mouth whose complete inanity surpasses even my lowest expectations for…
Read MoreKelly Oubre Career High 26 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2019)
“Uh, Kelly, what are you doing out here? Coach says you gotta get your butt back to practice.” Kelly Oubre looked up with annoyance at Devin Booker, who was apparently the teammate chosen to come find him after he had announced that he needed a “bathroom break” fifteen minutes into practice. “I’m busy,” he said,…
Read MoreKelly Oubre Career High 26 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2019)
My first thought when I saw that Kelly Oubre had 26 points was “Man, ‘Zards fans are gonna be pissed that Oubre got traded for being bumsauce and then it turned out he was capable of games like this the entire time.” And that thought made me happy because the concept of an entire fanbase…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 20 Points Full Highlights (12/22/2018)
Kelly Oubre sat in his locker, not moving, just staring intensely at the handmade doll which he held in his hands. “Yo Kelly, playing with dolls?” came the joking voice of Devin Booker. Kelly looked up and gave his new Suns teammate a harsh glare. “It might indeed by a doll, Devin, but I am…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 23 Points Full Highlights (12/10/2018)
Kelly Oubre sat hunched, facing in towards his locker. In front of him were a multitude of bright blue plastic components which he was carefully assembling into a finished product. The hustle and bustle of the locker room behind him was ignored entirely. Nothing could distract him. Nothing, that is, except an unexpected hand on…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 21 Points/5 Threes/3 Blocks Full Highlights (12/3/2018)
We take a break from our regularly scheduled “Kelly Oubre hates Klay Thompson” storyline to present a fun fact: the Wizards, widely mocked as one of the worst teams in the league, are on a two-game winning streak! Last time I checked, bad teams don’t go on winning streams because they don’t win games, so…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 22 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2018)
On the team bus that was driving the team back to their hotel, Austin Rivers couldn’t help but notice that something interesting was up on Kelly Oubre’s laptop screen. “What’s that?” he asked. Kelly didn’t look up from his intense, focused work. “CAD software.” “CAD?” Kelly rolled his eyes. “Computer-Aided Design. Duh.” “Looks complicated,” Austin…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 19 Points Full Highlights (11/18/2018)
Did anyone let the Wizards commentators know that Kelly Oubre’s half-court buzzer beater at the end of the third quarter didn’t count? Probably not. They sounded so happy, like it was the first good thing to happen to their team all season (it pretty much was), why would you ruin that happiness with facts? That…
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