Why haven’t their been locker room fights in Sacramento yet? Their team is well-stocked with players who are known fighters. Matt Barnes will punch anything that looks at his wife the wrong way, anything that looks at HIM the wrong way, or anything that moves. Darren Collison will punch anything that looks like his wife….
Read MoreTag: Matt Barnes
Matt Barnes 20 Points Full Highlights (12/31/2016)
I think Matt Barnes’ face just grows more punchable by the year. You would think that some of the effects of aging would soften his face a bit, making it less repulsive and punch-worthy. In reality, the opposite has occurred. He looks skeezier than ever. Greasier than ever. Punchabler than ever. I’m sure Derek Fisher…
Read MoreMatt Barnes 24 Points Full Highlights (4/9/2016)
Matt Barnes burst through the door of his own house, seething with rage. “Where’s that asshole? Where’s that asshole?” he bellowed, running from room to room. In the guest bedroom, he caught sight of the backyard outside the window. There were people gathered there, and when Matt picked out the face of his enemy, his…
Read MoreMatt Barnes Triple Double 26 pts/10 asts/11 rebs Full Highlights (3/11/2016)
Matt Barnes is already 36. What the heck. It seems like just yesterday he was trying to make Kobe flinch by pretending to throw the ball into his face; now Kobe is about to retire and I can’t stop crying, oh god… I’m back! Sorry about that. Kobe might be close to retirement, but Barnes…
Read MoreMatt Barnes 25 Points Full Highlights (2/24/2016)
Attention sensationalist media outlets: Thanks to your efforts, the whole world knows about how Matt Barnes and Derek Fisher got into a brawl over some stretched-out poon. One of the year’s most compelling stories brought to light thanks to your tireless dedication to trashy tabloid-esque garbage. Enough formalities. It is time for business. I (DownToBuck)…
Read MoreMatt Barnes 26 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2015)
The Clippers commentators, when they weren’t yelling “BINGO” at maximum volume into their mics, repeatedly mentioned how this game was a homecoming for Matt Barnes, who went to high school in Sacramento. They kept saying it like it was a good thing. If you’re a professional basketball player, going back to your hometown is like…
Read MoreMatt Barnes 18 Points Full Highlights (1/10/2015)
You see that thumbnail? Where Matt Barnes looks disbelieving? That’s my face when I realized that Vucevic had 34 on fifteen made shots and neither GD nor Dawk Ins did highlights yet. Gotta run!
Read MoreMatt Barnes 26 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (12/13/2014)
Matt Barnes is 34 years old. This fact wouldn’t be notable except that Barnes got up for a semi-poster on the Greek Freak and then later converted another dunk on a 1-on-0 fast break. At his age, that’s pretty good! He also hit some threes, but anybody can do that. I can do that. Think…
Read MoreMatt Barnes 16 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (5/13/2014)
In the future, when we have robot refs (running on open-source software that anybody can audit), we will enjoy peace of mind knowing that every NBA game is officiated fairly and without bias. But something will be lost: the ability to make really mad posts about reffing on the internet. There is a whole subclass…
Read MoreMatt Barnes 24 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (2/23/2014)
Matt “Born in a” Barnes looks like a Mexican drug lord. This is a fact, and as such, cannot be disputed. He also has one of the most hittable mugs in the league. This, too, is a concrete, immutable fact. But there are things about him that are still up in the air. Is he…
Read More