Chris Bosh sat comfortably in his bed, propped up in a veritable nest of pillows. In his hands was a copy of Leo Tolstoy’s “Анна Каренина.”, or “Anna Karenina”. As Chris read each word, he found himself engrossed in the worlds that they shaped. “This is truly a masterwork of Russian realist fiction,” he thought…
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Rashard Lewis 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (5/28/2014)
Rashard “Rashart” Lewis is famous for two things: getting ridiculously overpaid to the tune of 21 million in one year, and having an odd-looking stroke on his shot. The only good thing I can say about that abominable shooting motion is that it’s fun to use in NBA 2K. I can’t believe that thing was…
Read MoreChris Andersen 14 Points/3 Dunks/2 Blocks Full Highlights (5/18/2014)
There’s a saying, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” I feel this way about Chris Andersen (AKA Birdbro) and his former mohawk. I used to hate that thing, which I viewed as a ploy for attention much like his tattoos and facial hair. Now, I crave any amount of creativity, however forced,…
Read MoreRay Allen 19 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (5/6/2014)
Ray Allen exited his car and in the player’s parking area at the arena, eager to begin the sweep of the Nets. Nodding at the assorted hangers-on and media members, he headed towards the locker room. But as he approached, something seemed to be wrong, as there was a throng of fellow Heat players surrounding…
Read MoreJames Jones 12 Points Full Highlights (4/20/2014)
So James Jones barely plays at all in the regular season and now he gets fifteen minutes off the bench in the playoffs? If he was this good all along how come Spo didn’t realize it? Alternatively, if he wasn’t that good all along, why is he good now? I supposed it’s only fitting. Jones…
Read MoreMichael Beasley 18 Points Full Highlights (4/14/2014)
Now that marijuana is legal in a few US states, everybody should apologize to Michael Beasley for ragging on him after he got caught smokin’ dat green. He just does it to relax, you know? Calm the nerves before the big game. How is it worse than Kirk Hinrich downing two twelve-packs and a fifth…
Read MoreRashard Lewis 17 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (4/9/2014)
Rashard Lewis is the guy I model my game after. I mean, the computer version of me. The real version models his game after Otis Birdsong and Purvis Short. But in any NBA 2K game, when it comes time to choose the shooting form of my dude, I choose Rashard Lewis’. They didn’t get it…
Read MoreUdonis Haslem 17 Points Full Highlights (3/28/2014)
“What will you be having?” “Gimme your 32 ounce porterhouse. I’m a hungry dude. Big game tonight. Sides of asparagus and mashed potatoes. And some mineral water.” “How would you like the steak cooked? Well done?” “No way man, actually…” The waiter cut him off. “Get it? WELL DONE! Because you’re frickin’ done! No way…
Read MoreMichael Beasley 16 Points Full Highlights (3/22/2014)
The Heat are continuing their strategy of not playing Michael Beasley to save him for the playoffs, letting him play decent minutes only occasionally to make sure he stays hot. At least, I think that’s what they’re doing. It’s hard to tell for sure. It fits in with the “Heat don’t really try during the…
Read MoreRay Allen 25 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (3/16/2014)
How many technical free throws can one guy hit in a game? What’s the record? Because 5 is a lot. Ray Allen is a great guy to have in those kind of situations. Which brings me to my next topic: that new delay of game rule. It messes me up. When I watch college basketball…
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