I hate the feeling of optimism entering my body. It feels like aliens probing my mind, that’s how uncomfortable and foreign the concept of optimism is to me. I thrive on pessimism and darkness. Positive thoughts to me are like candles in the wind: briefly aflame, then snuffed out quickly before providing any but the…
Read MoreTag: Phoenix Suns
Josh Jackson 27 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/22/2019)
Question to Suns fans out there: is Josh Jackson still considered by your fanbase to be a critical component of the team going forward? Does he make up one third of the Suns’ “big three” with Booker and Ayton, or is the “big three” actually a “big two” and Jackson is just kind of a…
Read MoreDragan Bender 12 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2019)
“Dear Diary, Today all my big men were injured. Well, it wasn’t quite all of them, but it might as well have been, because the only two I had available to play were Quincy Acy, a man who was hastily signed and seems to be enamored with his three-point shot, and Dragan Bender, who is…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 24 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2019)
Devin Booker walked up to Kelly Oubre’s locker and pointed at the terrarium that was on the shelf. “You keeping pets in here now, too?” Kelly Oubre sighed. “Devin, just when I think that you could not get any more ignorant, a statement leaves your mouth whose complete inanity surpasses even my lowest expectations for…
Read MoreMikal Bridges 15 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2019)
Everybody makes life choices that they regret. Regret is probably the one thing that makes humans human, not like that fact makes me feel any better about my poor life choices. The poor life choice in question is my decision to not make a Mikal Bridges fifteen-point highlight video immediately after making a Miles Bridges…
Read MoreDeandre Ayton 22 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/12/2019)
The more I think about it, the more I think a Deandre Ayton dunkilation would be kinda lame. I’ve seen all his dunks this year, either while making all these highlight vids or while reviewing them for potential dunks-of-the-month candidacy, and I’ll be forthright with you: most of them are lame. Thus rendering a dunkilation…
Read MoreKelly Oubre Career High 26 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2019)
“Uh, Kelly, what are you doing out here? Coach says you gotta get your butt back to practice.” Kelly Oubre looked up with annoyance at Devin Booker, who was apparently the teammate chosen to come find him after he had announced that he needed a “bathroom break” fifteen minutes into practice. “I’m busy,” he said,…
Read MoreKelly Oubre Career High 26 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2019)
My first thought when I saw that Kelly Oubre had 26 points was “Man, ‘Zards fans are gonna be pissed that Oubre got traded for being bumsauce and then it turned out he was capable of games like this the entire time.” And that thought made me happy because the concept of an entire fanbase…
Read MoreJosh Jackson 22 Points Full Highlights (1/6/2019)
It’s been sad to see the recent minutes reduction for Josh Jackson. Not because he makes the Suns more fun to watch, because I don’t think he really does, but because of what that means for his career. He’s a top-five pick on one of the worst teams in the league; most players in that…
Read MoreDeandre Ayton 25 Points Full Highlights (12/31/2018)
The Suns need to trade for Ricky Rubio in order to unlock Deandre Ayton’s full scoring potential. Devin Booker is fine, but he’s not a true PG who can consistently set him up for makeable buckets. I shouldn’t need to remind anyone of what Rubio did to Karl-Anthony Towns’ scoring output, but these three words…
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