“Uh, Wes, we got a problem.” Wes looked over from his game of FIFA. “You got a dude? I told you, just swipe left.” “No, not that. It says I ran out of swipes and that I need to pay money for more.” “WHAT?” Wes exclaimed, running over to investigate the phone’s screen. “You’re kidding…
Read MoreTag: Portland Trailblazers
LaMarcus Aldridge All 280 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Jumperilation Part I)
“You know what, Wes?” Wes Matthews, who was focused intently on the game of Madden in front of him, didn’t respond right away. When he ended up throwing an incomplete pass, he paused the game angrily. “What?” LaMarcus Aldridge set down his controller and laid back contemplatively on the couch. “All this time I’ve been…
Read MoreMeyers Leonard 13 Points Full Highlights (4/27/2015)
Was anyone else getting really excited for Meyers Leonard after the second quarter of last night’s game against Memphis? I was. The playoffs are where heroes are born and legends are written by hooded scribes. I had visions of him being the savior that saved basketball in Portland. Down 3-0, backs against the wall, he…
Read MoreC.J. McCollum 26 Points Full Highlights (4/25/2015)
At the end of the regular season I had a special message for Terry Stotts RE: C.J. Mccollum: “If C.J. doesn’t get thirty minutes per game in the playoffs, you’re fired.” I also had another warning for the coach of the Blazers: “[Your] ass is grass if C.J. doesn’t average eighteen PPG in the playoffs….
Read MoreJoel Freeland Career High 16 Points Full Highlights (4/13/2015)
In honor of a new career high composed almost entirely of pure midrange jumpers, I have compiled an exhaustive list of the food that Joel Freeland probably (definitely) eats on a daily basis: -Cheesy Wotsits -Spotted Dick -Crumpets -Pork faggots in gravy -Beef Wellington -Haggis -Trifle -Munchie Boxes Question for discussion: why are British people…
Read MoreMeyers Leonard Career High 24 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/13/2015)
Over two years ago, in late March, as the Trailblazers’ disappointing season wound down, Meyers Leonard scored 22 points in an NBA game. “Finally!” came the cry from Portland fans. “It took him a while, but he’s going to be a beast next year, I can feel it!”. They weren’t too sad about being totally…
Read MoreC.J. McCollum 26 Points Full Highlights (4/11/2015)
If you’re not ultra-hyped for C.J. McCollum, you should get yourself checked out at a professional doctor or something. He has lately been beasting out his mind thanks to the timely injuries of Wes Matthews and Arron Afflalo. His stats are so sick that you would have to be comatose to not get hyped when…
Read MoreC.J. McCollum 17 Points Full Highlights (4/9/2015)
C.J. McCollum’s good performance is this game might as well have not even happened, as it was completely overshadowed by Steph Curry scoring 45 and breaking his own record for made threes in a season. But what if I told you that McCollum was Curry-lite? Stay with me on this. McCollum shoots threes really well….
Read MoreMeyers Leonard 17 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (4/6/2015)
Meyers “7-foot Bieber” Leonard is an enigma. A big who can shoot from outside as well as use his superior athleticism to make highlight-reel plays? There is no reason why such a player would not receive consistent and plentiful minutes. It’s like Shaq and Dirk combined. Blazers fans can clue me in here on why…
Read MoreChris Kaman 16 Points Full Highlights (4/4/2015)
Chris “Don’t Grab My Balls” Kaman has had bad luck at living up to his nickname. Remember, all those years ago, when Reggie Evans decided to get a big handful of Kaman’s happy-sack? A similar situation came to pass a few days ago where Chris Paul also got a little frisky with Kaman’s “private anatomical…
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