The unforgiving madness of “Bradley Center Bratwurst Barbarity” continued without end. Naked except for his undies, Jabari Parker worked on the sixth of ten uncooked bratwurst sausages which he was supposed to consume. He was fairly certain that he would not win this contest; Giannis had already finished the brats, and was on the second…
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Tayshaun Prince 20 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (12/5/2014)
Tayshaun Prince scrolled through his contact list until he came upon the entry he wanted: “The Unholy One Himself, 666-6666”. Hitting the green “dial” button, he listened to the phone ring, wondering how he would phrase his request. Before he could ponder too long, the call was answered. “Keep this short, Khraakklor,” said Satan, referring…
Read MoreTyler Zeller Career High 24 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2014)
As the Piedmont family was being shown into the chamber, the younger boy, Jackson, started to protest, his 7’1″ frame struggling mightily against the policeBots assigned to escort them. “No, no, I’m not going! I have constitutional rights that protect me from cruel and unusual punishment!” He shouted. His mother, Michelle, looked at him resignedly….
Read MoreKelly Olynyk 20 Points Full Highlights (12/3/2014)
Walking up to the dreary rows of storage cells that made up Kamloops Mega Storage, Kelly hesitated. Starcubism was supposed to be dead. By going here, he was just giving the guys false hope. He thought back to Ferguson’s words back at the pizza parlor: “Moonbeam said you’d be back eventually.” Moonbeam had always been…
Read MoreRyan Anderson 23 Points Full Highlights (12/2/2014)
He jumped. Twelve floors was a long way to fall. Ryan Anderson cursed is hastiness. He was, after all, the one with the arm-mounted flamethrower. Incinerating a few cops in his condo would have fewer consequences than if this went wrong. He hoped his intuitions were right. He pointed the flamethrower at the ground, hoping…
Read MoreGiannis Antetokounmpo 14 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (12/2/2014)
Giannis ran. The bratwursts had taken their toll on his body and mind. His shambling gait reflected none of the grace that was normally ever-present in his movements. Every step brought with it new pains of agony. “Bradley Center Bratwurst Barbarity” had entered its second portion, which consisted of participants running around the Bradley Center…
Read MoreDerrick Williams 18 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (12/2/2014)
Derrick Williams greeted his teammates at the door. “Thank you guys for coming! There’s nothing better than chilling with all my friends!” A large group of Sacramento Kings players followed him into the house. “So, where’s the party?” Ramon Sessions asked, looking around for other visitors to Derrick’s abode. “Oh, it’s just going to be…
Read MoreGoran Dragic 34 Points Full Highlights (12/2/2014)
Gathered around a whiteboard in the locker room, the Phoenix Suns players reflected on their loss to the Orlando Magic, heads down. Jeff Hornacek was displeased. “That was a disgraceful performance tonight. I’m totally embarrassed and totally ashamed. I’ve never seen such a collection of lazybones in my life. We are not leaving this room…
Read MoreAron Baynes 15 Points Full Highlights (12/1/2014)
Aron took a swig of his sixth Four Loko. “Henry, why don’t people want to Bayng Out with me on the Baynes Bus? If I were me, I’d drop everything to play Halo with Aron Baynes while chowing on some pepperoni egg rolls.” Henry, the increasingly drunk organizer of the Baynes Bus, hiccuped before answering….
Read MoreAron Baynes 13 Points/1 Three Full Highlights (11/30/2014)
Taking a circuitous route around San Antonio, the bus attempted to corral its first passenger. A sad face could be seen looking out the window before turning away. “Yo, Henry, you said that this was gonna be a smash hit. But we don’t even have a single participant yet!” Henry, the coordinator of the endeavor,…
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