I’m not going to sit here and write a eulogy for this era of the Raptors. Everyone seems to think that they’re going to blow it up after this, that they’re going to trade away major pieces in a firesale and start over with Bruno Caboclo at the helm (alright I doubt anyone thinks that…
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Cory Joseph 20 Points/12 Assists Full Highlights (5/7/2017)
Wow, turns out that the Raptors don’t even need Kyle Lowry to lose to the Cavaliers. I don’t see any point in re-signing him in free agency if his presence isn’t going to make a difference when they eventually run into LeBron and company. Just roll with the suddenly-semi-competent Cory Joseph as the starter and…
Read MoreCory Joseph 22 Points Full Highlights (5/3/2017)
Hearing Marv Albert pronounce “garbage time” as “GAR-bahge time” pretty much made me the happiest dude ever. Then I remembered he’s a horrible sex-offending scumbag who can’t even commentate coherently anymore and I stopped being happy, but then I got happy again because I remembered that Cory Joseph, who really sucks, scored 22 points in…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 23 Points Full Highlights (5/3/2017)
Thon Maker isn’t around to sorta kinda expose Jonas Valanciunas’ weaknesses anymore, so in theory he should be good to get reinserted into the starting lineup for the Raptors. Ignore the first game of this series, where he actually did get the start and was ignored just like always. As we saw tonight, a properly…
Read MoreSerge Ibaka 19 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (4/24/2017)
I am almost too morose to say anything about Serge Ibaka’s performance tonight. Despite his only-slightly-above-average statline, he dominated the Bucks early and set the tone for the rest of the game. When he rejected Beasley’s layup at did his celebratory gestures for the crowd, I could feel the anger emanating from the Bucks’ bench….
Read MoreNorman Powell 25 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (4/24/2017)
According to the precepts of a shadowy and ill-understood branch of learning called “mathematics”, I have determined that, had Dwane Casey played his normal rotation, with Norman Powell receiving 0 minutes, the Raptors would have lost to Bucks in regulation. I’m not going to go too deep into how I came to this conclusion; such…
Read MoreSerge Ibaka 19 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (4/15/2017)
Serge Ibaka showed up. DeMar DeRozan kinda showed up. And that was it for the Raptors. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being “not perturbed at all” and 10 being “bootyblasted”, how mad at Dwayne Casey are Raptors fans right now? Based on what I’m seeing on social media, I’m going with 8-“Murderously enraged”…
Read MoreNorman Powell 25 Points Full Highlights (4/12/2017)
One of the Raptor’s commentators (I think it’s Jack Armstrong) spent the entire broadcast hinting that Norman Powell should get lots of minutes in the playoffs at the expense of DeMarre Carroll’s minutes. I never heard him specifically say “Carroll shouldn’t play as much”, in fact I never even heard him say the name “DeMarre…
Read MoreBruno Caboclo 11 Points Full Highlights (4/12/2017)
With this performance, officially, with official officiality, Bruno Caboclo has avoided peaking in his first NBA game, the dreaded “MCW-itis”. Cast your mind back, way back, and remember how hyped you were when Caboclo checked into a game for the first time, and how your hyped reached previously unseen levels as he quickly threw down…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 19 Points Full Highlights (4/5/2017)
“Dear Diary, I really hate Jonas Valanciunas. Every time I think I’ve finally done it, every time I think I’ve successfully ruined his career, he comes in and has one of his so-called “good games” that sets back all my progress. I am so tired of looking at that guy’s dumb beard and stupid face…
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