Aaron Gordon All 99 Dunks Full Highlights (2016-17 Season Dunkilation)

Through the eyeholes of his Donald Duck costume, Aaron Gordon kept a lookout for kids (or adults) who might be looking for a personal interaction with one of their favorite Disney characters. Thankfully, he was working an early-morning shift, and there was hardly anybody around to interact with.

When none other than Magic teammate Evan Fournier appeared in Aaron’s line of sight, Aaron wasn’t fully in character, and he couldn’t help but blurting, “Hey Evan!” He immediately clapped his duck hands over his cartoonish beak, but the damage was done.

After looking around for possible fans who might have called his name, Evan determined that Donald Duck was the one whom he had heard. Even with Aaron standing perfectly still and looking in the opposite direction, Evan approached him and asked, “Aaron, is that you?”

“No, I’m Donald Duck, you funny little boy,” Aaron replied in an exaggeratedly-deep voice.

Somehow Evan was not fooled by Aaron’s act. “Aaron, what are you doing working at Disney World, man? Don’t you make enough money as it is?”

Aaron decided to discard the charade. “It’s not the money. It’s Courtney.”

Evan squinted his eyes in confusion. “Okay, dude, let’s back up for a second. You’re not making any sense right now. Who’s Courtney?”

“She’s the season ticket holder who sits in section 1B, fourth row,” Aaron recited from memory. “She’s, like, both hot and cute at the same time, and she works here as a Disney princess. Cinderella.”

“So you’re creep-stalking her at her job because you saw her at our games? That’s definitely not serial killer behavior.”

“I’m not stalking her and I’m not a creep,” Aaron stated emphatically. “I only had to pay the ticket rep, like, fifty bucks and I got all the deets on her. Now I just need to figure out how to woo her while I’m wearing this stupid-ass costume. It would be so much easier if they gave me Prince Charming like I auditioned for.”

“Well, they don’t call me ‘The Fournicator’ for nothing,” Evan said. He thoughtfully tapped his chin while pondering Aaron’s conundrum. In time, he declared, “since you’re already being a total creep, I’ve got an idea for you.”

“Does it involve baguettes?” Aaron asked.

Evan shook his head. “No. Too crunchy. Listen up…”

Huddled behind the electrical utility box, Aaron took out his walkie-talkie. “Courtney should be getting on the ride any time now,” he said into it. “My fake email about her needing to test it for ‘princess safety’ totally worked.” The ride in question was the one roller coaster in the park that actually offered some level of intensity and excitement.

“I see her,” confirmed Evan from his own vantage point. “She’s strapped in next to some pimply kid who looks like he’s trying to hide his boner. I gotta say, you definitely picked the right girl to target with a creepy pickup attempt.”

“Tell me when they’re going through the first loop,” Aaron reminded his associate.

Evan scoffed. “No duh. I’m the one who came up with this whole thing. It should be about…wait…wait…NOW! DO IT NOW!”

Aaron threw down the walkie-talkie and reached into the exposed wires of the box, then grabbed and pulled out as many wires as he could. Immediately, lights began to go out around the park, but, more importantly, the coaster immediately came to a complete, screeching halt. He could hear distant screams of terror from the passengers suspended upside-down thirty feet in the air.

Putting his costume back on, Aaron ran the short distance to the support structure of the ride and began to climb up it, yelling “Donald Duck is here to save the day!” Despite the costume, his upper-body strength allowed him to reach the stuck riders within a minute. Now was his chance. He would rescue Courtney and be the hero, and she would have no choice but want to go out with him.

The only problem was, he didn’t know how to actually rescue her. If he undid her restraint right now, she would just fall out. Amidst the growing crowd of concerned onlookers, Aaron could hear Evan yelling “Courtney wants your D so bad right now!” Aaron thought this wasn’t a very helpful thing to yell.

He was spared further consideration by the fact that the hands of his costume didn’t offer much grip, and he was presently tumbling off the ride. The only thought going through his mind as he fell was how he had somehow failed to speak even one word directly to Courtney. Then, his body cracked against the hard concrete, his Donald Duck head flew off, and he simply lay there in pain.

Evan’s face soon appeared over him. “I told you it was a stupid plan,” he said smugly. “Only a real dummy would come up with something so asinine. At least there’s plan B.”

“What’s plan B?” Aaron asked.

“Just talk to her like a normal person and not be a total creep.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Aaron said. “Do you think Courtney was impressed?”

Evan wore a pitying expression. “Not really, man.”

“Darn,” Aaron sighed. “Can you take me to the hospital? I can’t really feel my legs anymore.”

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