Jonathon Simmons 18 Points Full Highlights (5/11/2017)

Jonathon Simmons: Better than James Harden? Let’s take a look at the facts:

POINTS: Simmons scored 18 points in this game. Harden scored 10 (LOL [lots of laughs]). ADVANTAGE: Simmons

DEFENSE: Simmons plays defense. Harden doesn’t. ADVANTAGE: Simmons

PASSING: Simmons had four assists. Harden had seven. But Harden’s assists were just a product of him selfishly gunning for stats, while Simmons’ assists were in the flow of the offense. ADVANTAGE: Simmons

BEARD: Simmons has a small beard that is tastefully cultivated without being showy. Harden has a gigantic beard that probably houses a hive of wasps and he doesn’t even know. ADVANTAGE: Simmons

MATCHUP: Simmons turned Harden into his personal bitchboy and buttslave for life. Harden made Houston fans his bitchboys with his uninspired peformance, but got thoroughly outplayed by a guy who was barely in the D-League two years ago. ADVANTAGE: Simmons

MONEY: Simmons doesn’t make very much money right now, even if he will in the future. Harden makes hella money. ADVANTAGE: Harden

GETTING STAR PLAYERS FORCED OUT: Simmons has never attempted to force out any Spurs players by creating unnecessary drama or conflict with them. Harden had a personal vendetta against Dwight Howard and ensured that he would not play for the Rockets again. ADVANTAGE: Simmons

REGULAR SEASON STATS: Simmons did not average a triple-double for the season. Neither did Harden. ADVANTAGE: It’s a tie.

After analyzing all the pertinent factual facts in a factual and honest manner, I am ready to present DTB’S OFFICIAL FINAL VERDICT: Jonathon Simmons is BETTER than James Harden.

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