Lonzo Ball Triple Double 19 Pts/13 Asts/11 Rebs Full Highlights (11/11/2017)

Lonzo Ball got a triple-double tonight, the youngest person in NBA history ever to do so. Great. But there are more pressing matters that I need to discuss with you. Urgently. These matters are of the utmost importance, and cannot be ignored.

First urgent topic: Lonzo Ball has the most perfect hairline I’ve ever seen. It’s insane. Just a perfectly straight line across his forehead. You could do a line of coke off that thing. Looking across the league, I see LeBron and his comical hairline, and I know who the future of the league is. It’s Lonzo Ball.

Second urgent topic: Lonzo Ball is a white person. You cannot see that thumbnail and tell me with a straight face that it depicts a black person. His skin is white. That makes him white. There are no other criteria for white-person-ness. End of story.

Third urgent topic: Lonzo Ball’s face looks like a pizza for real.

Fourth urgent topic: I think I have to write a description where Lonzo Ball smuggles himself into 16th-century Ming-dynasty China on a Portuguese merchant ship and rescues his brother from brutal prison enslavement. Not tonight though.

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