Last night was the highly-anticpated meeting between the old school of Serbian basketball, Milos Teodosic, and the new school of Serbian basketball, Nikola Jokic. Who came out ahead in this matchup? Through my analytical analysis of factual facts, I will determine who the victor was in this Serb Showdown.
POINTS: Jokic had 18 points. Teodosic had 15 points. It would seem, on the surface, that Jokic had more points than Teodosic. But wait! Jokic took twice as many shots as Teodosic (18 to 9), yet scored only three more points. In this situation, I think it is fair to penalize Jokic for his inefficiency. ADVANTAGE: Teodosic
ASSISTS: Jokic, known for his crafty passing and ability to be a point-center, only got two assists. Teodosic, the consummate floor general, also had a somewhat disappointing total, notching just five assists. Serbs will tell you that their dumb American teammates just can’t make shots when they get the ball passed to them, and I would be inclined to agree. ADVANTAGE: reluctant Teodosic
FACIAL HAIR: Always sporting a clean-shaven babyface, Jokic has not even proven he has what it takes to grow a beard at the NBA level. Doing a Google Image search for “Nikola Jokic beard” reveals that he has never had a beard in his life. Teodosic, on the other hand, has a fast-growing beard that ranges between “gray-speckled five-o-clock shadow” and “full-fledged hobo neckbeard monstrosity”. ADVANTAGE: Teodosic
FUTURE MVP CHANCES: Teodosic is thirty years old and on the downswing of his career. He would have to research and build a literal time machine if he wanted to even have a slim chance of winning the NBA MVP award. Jokic is twenty-two years old and, while his chances of winning MVP are slim simply because he isn’t a consistently high scorer, he’s got way more of a shot than Teodosic does, assuming Teodosic doesn’t figure out how to undertake time travel without inadvertantly unraveling the linearity of time itself. ADVANTAGE: Jokic
VETERAN-NESS: Jokic plays like a veteran but isn’t one. Teodosic is 100% pure savvy veteran all day every day. That move to get Barton flying past him was so dirty that I had to unplug my monitor and stab it with a katana. ADVANTAGE: Teodosic
WINNING THE GAME: Teodosic and the Clippers won this game. Jokic and the Nuggets lost it. There is no more discussion to be had. ADVANTAGE: Teodosic
DTB’S OFFICIAL FINAL VERDICT: Teodosic came out ahead of Jokic in this Serb Showdown. The discussion of who the better player is, both at this very moment and when considering their entire careers, would be better left to people who watched Teodosic in Europe (that means you, Serb commenters).