Jonas Valanciunas 25 Points Full Highlights (2/23/2019)

OFFICIAL THINGS THAT JONAS VALANCIUNAS DOES THAT MARC GASOL DOESN’T DO POWER RANKINGS

1. Be Lithuanian
2. Score efficiently
3. Have a cool haircut
4. Get marginalized by coaches for his entire career
5. Watch torrented Lithuanian television series while snuggling with his cat Arvydas
6. Dunk the ball (I’m pretty sure Marc can’t jump anymore)
7. Have a glorious beard (compared to Marc’s hobo scruff)
8. Play defense? Maybe? Who cares about defense anyway?

OFFICIAL THINGS THAT MARC GASOL DOES THAT JONAS VALANCIUNAS DOESN’T DO POWER RANKINGS

1. Be a Spaniard
2. Have a do-it-all offensive game (post moves, midrange jimbos, three-pointers)
3. Be old
4. Watch old episodes of Rocko’s Modern Life while chowing down on Bagel Bites pizza snacks and occasionally putting the pepperoni bits into his belly button to achieve orgasm-like shocks of pure bliss
5. Pass the ball
6. Be considered a vital piece of the puzzle for a contender
7. Harbor a deep appreciation for Memphis-style BBQ
8. Play defense? Maybe? Who cares about defense anyway?

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