Jodie Meeks 22 Points Full Highlights (1/23/2014)

The Lakers’ season is down the tubes. There is no hope for them making the playoffs in the West. Lakers fans, most of whom bandwagoned onto the team around the time of the Shaq-Kobe dynasty, don’t know how to react. In their confusion, they get hyped over average role players and talk about how they…

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Brandon Jennings 30 Points Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

In talking with my psychiatrist and psychologist friends, of which I have many, there seems to be agreement that Brandon Jennings is 100% stark raving insane. He routinely says things that have no basis in reality. I’m paraphrasing these quotes, but the sentiments behind them have legitimately taken hold in Jennings’ addled brain. “Detroit is…

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Caron Butler 30 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

OFFICIAL MOST “DONE” NBA PLAYERS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Kevin Garnett. This guy is so done it’s embarrassing 2. Steve Nash. The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak 3. Gerald Wallace. You know a guy is done when all he does is complain about the effort of his teammates 4. Caron Butler. Can’t do…

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Derrick Williams 22 Points Full Highlights (1/22/2013)

Attention Sacramento Kings commentators: you cannot call Derrick Williams “D-Will”. That nickname is already taken by Deron Williams. I don’t know if you’re trying to be funny or what. But you have to stop. Never mind the fact that “nicknames” that contain any part of a player’s name or initials are stupid. New nickname idea…

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Omri Casspi 20 Points Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

Omri Casspi is from Israel. That means there are, in theory, tons of possible avenues for funny descriptions. ZOG conspiracy theories, yarmulke mishaps, pork. These concepts are all ripe for hilarity. But no. I can’t stereotype Jews for fear of being crucified (whoops). Never mind that I stereotype black people ALL THE TIME. And white…

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Taj Gibson Career High 26 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

Taj flipped idly through his mail. He didn’t know why he bothered; fan mail sent through the postal service was becoming less and less, and nothing else of any great import ever was present in these large stacks of letters. Then, a light pink envelope caught his eye. Usually that color signified the fan mail…

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Doron Lamb 13 Points Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

Doron Lamb was a killer three-point marksman in college. So why hasn’t that ability translated to the NBA? Shooters are always able to shoot. I don’t know. But I can guess. His shot is not really a smooth-looking shot. It seems like he has to try a little bit too hard to get the ball…

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Phil Pressey Career High 20 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

Oh man. No description this time. I just had some McDonald’s. I now remember why I never eat there; I’m so gassy I feel like I’m gonna die. I’m going to bed. Stay safe kids. Fine. Phil Pressey hit a bunch of threes as the commentators got more and more incredulous. And then he hit…

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Gordon Hayward 27 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/21/2014)

Gordon Hayward had another good game, scoring 27 points, dishing 5 assists, and unfortunately hitting 2 threes. Why unfortunately? Because every time the Jazz hit a three some financial institution donates 50 dollars to some cancer research center. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad money goes to a good cause. Definitely better than it going…

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Corey Brewer 19 Points Full Highlights (1/21/2014)

Corey Brewer has done a good job of tricking people into thinking that he is a good player. But your devious ruses are ineffective against me, Corey! I see through your little charade! You shoot too many threes that you have no hope of making, you gamble too much for steals, and you look like…

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