Ian Mahinmi 15 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/12/2020)

Don’t get your hopes up regarding Ian Mahinmi and his career-high 7 assists. You all shouldn’t be expecting a Jokic-esque passing performance from him, but I know at least one of you is, and whoever you are, you deserve to be slapped. It’s Ian Mahinmi, people. If he had passing skills of any sort, we…

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Jordan McRae 29 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (1/10/2020)

Just call this dude “MiChRAEl Jordan” because right now Jordan McRae is chucking like prime MJ. Of course, it’s debatable whether what Jordan was doing could be rightly considered “chucking” considering that he always made tons of those shots. I maintain that it is, that chucking is chucking no matter how good the shots you’re…

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Admiral Schofield 18 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2020)

I had been under the impression that Admiral Schofield, owner of the coolest name in the NBA, had been in the G-League for the past couple weeks. I hadn’t been noticing his name in box-scores, so it only made sense to me that he would be getting reps in the G-League with the Capital City…

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Anzejs Pasecniks 16 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2020)

I am hereby designating Anzejs “Guybrush Threepwood” Pasecniks an official role-player in the NBA. That means, from now on, whichever team he goes to, he will find a role on that team and help that team win games. Officially. I may be a little late with my designation, but you always want to be careful…

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Jordan McRae 19 Points Full Highlights (1/6/2020)

OFFICIAL DTB DISCLAIMER: Jordan McRae was 8-of-24 (!!!!) from the field in this game. Not only did he attempt more shots than he scored points, but that ratio was even more out-of-whack than it usually is in these situations. That’s now two straight games where he’s been chucking up bricks with no conscience (he was…

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Ish Smith 27 Points Full Highlights (1/6/2020)

MVP chants for Ish Smith? Normally I’m not a fan of the patronizing nature of such chants, as they are normally not directed at actual MVP-caliber players. But at this very moment, Smith IS an MVP-caliber player. Because here’s an abridged list of what typical MVP-caliber players do: -Win games against good teams -While scoring…

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Johnathan Williams 12 Points/3 Blocks/1 Final Game? Full Highlights (1/4/2020)

I think I’m properly applying the term “irony” when I note the irony of the Washington Wizards commentators talking about how Johnathan Williams is “finally looking comfortable”, given that Williams, as of this morning, has been waived by the team. That’s right. After playing twenty MPG per game in six games for the ‘Zards, starting…

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Troy Brown 25 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2020)

Since Troy Brown is a wing player who can’t shoot threes very well at all, but has an acceptable midrange game, it shouldn’t take much of your brainpower to figure out what low-effort comparison I’m about to make between this guy and an all-time great. That’s right. Dwyane Wade. How far off-base am I? I’ve…

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Anzejs Pasecniks 13 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2020)

Hype for Anzejs Pasecniks, which had reached a fever pitch in Latvia and probably maybe existed a little bit in Washington DC as well (or not), completely fizzled out when he had a string of four games that looked like this: 4 points, 1-of-4 shooting vs NYK 2 points, 1-of-2 shooting vs MIA 4 points,…

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Isaac Bonga 15 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2020)

The most obvious attribute of Isaac Bonga is readily apparent in the thumbnail: is this dude not the most wrinkly under-20 player in NBA history? Okay, fine, he just turned 20 like two months ago, but before that. Let me rephrase: was this dude not the most wrinkly under-20 player in NBA history? Greg Oden…

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