Kelly Oubre 23 Points Full Highlights (12/10/2018)

Kelly Oubre sat hunched, facing in towards his locker. In front of him were a multitude of bright blue plastic components which he was carefully assembling into a finished product. The hustle and bustle of the locker room behind him was ignored entirely. Nothing could distract him. Nothing, that is, except an unexpected hand on…

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Tomas Satoransky 14 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (12/5/2018)

Wizards record with John Wall starting: 10-14 Wizards record with Tomas Satoransky starting: 3-0 Granted, two of those wins were with both starting, with Wall at PG and Satoransky at… small forward? But it still illustrates a trend that I noticed last year: the ‘Zards just look better with him running the show. More like…

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Thomas Bryant 16 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2018)

After being an afterthought for the entire year last season, Thomas Bryant is now the starting center for a playoff contender in the East. Yeah, the ‘Zards are not so good right now, but they’re looking better. They’re on the upswing. They’re not too far from .500 which is basically a guaranteed playoff spot in…

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Kelly Oubre 21 Points/5 Threes/3 Blocks Full Highlights (12/3/2018)

We take a break from our regularly scheduled “Kelly Oubre hates Klay Thompson” storyline to present a fun fact: the Wizards, widely mocked as one of the worst teams in the league, are on a two-game winning streak! Last time I checked, bad teams don’t go on winning streams because they don’t win games, so…

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Thomas Bryant 12 Points Full Highlights (11/30/2018)

Some notes about Thomas Bryant/this game since I’m too lazy to weave these disparate points together into a logical narrative: -If you ever wondered whether Thomas Bryant could dunk, you don’t have to wait much longer unless you paused the video to read the description. -Was Thomas Bryant always this chubby-looking? The dude I remember…

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Kelly Oubre 22 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2018)

On the team bus that was driving the team back to their hotel, Austin Rivers couldn’t help but notice that something interesting was up on Kelly Oubre’s laptop screen. “What’s that?” he asked. Kelly didn’t look up from his intense, focused work. “CAD software.” “CAD?” Kelly rolled his eyes. “Computer-Aided Design. Duh.” “Looks complicated,” Austin…

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Markieff Morris 22 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2018)

Would anybody outside of Washington DC and Boston notice if the Morris bros just disappeared, never to be seen again? Not a malicious disappearance, just… poof! Gone. No more Morrises except for Monte. I think people would notice, but it would take about a week before they were like “what ever happened to those dudes…

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Austin Rivers 18 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2018)

“Dear Diary, It’s scary playing somewhere where Daddy isn’t the coach. I know sometimes I wrote about how he liked Chris more than me and how it made me angry, but I take all that back. When Daddy told me that I was getting traded, I started crying and begged him not to. That made…

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Otto Porter 29 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2018)

OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHOSE FIRST NAMES ARE PALINDROMES POWER RANKINGS 1. J.J. Redick 2. Otto Porter 3. J.J. Barea PAG REWOP 442. Kendavious Caldwell-Pope Whoops, sorry, didn’t realize that there really weren’t that many players whose names could be spelled the same way backward as forward. I thought there were gonna be, like, 20 names on…

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Jeff Green 20 Points Full Highlights (11/20/2018)

If the Wizards’ season is going to get back on track, it’s going to be because the team decided to follow Jeff Green’s example for how to play basketball. Which is: sleepwalk through the motions while not caring about anything or anyone, ignoring all locker-room conflicts, and coasting on natural talent. There’s enough natural talent…

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