Once upon a time, in a land known as Sacramento, Carl Landry would score 19 points or more with regularity. But then he got traded to the Hornets and has been a bench player ever since. If I was Landry I would try to get on a team that needs a good power forward, because being a starter is awesome and being a bench player is super lame. The trade deadline might be fading into the distance of the past, but he could still try to get waived. Some ideas:
-Stop working out and get fat
-Make fun of Andrew Bogut’s injuries on Twitter
-Throw the ball into the stands every time you get it in your hands
-Punch teammates and/or coaches (not fans)
-Fail to report to any practices, games, or other team functions
Then he can sign as a free agent with the Nets or something. I see nothing that can go wrong with this plan. That will be a $1,000 consulting fee, Carl.