Dear LeBron,
I hope this letter finds you well. I probably don’t need to hope, though, as things seem to be going swell for you down there in Miami. I’m very happy for your multitude of successes! Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade seem like great teammates.
You may already know the reason for my correspondence, so I’ll get straight to the point; I want you to return to Cleveland when you are a free agent this summer. Remember the good times we had? Sure, we didn’t win a championship, but what’s a chip compared to the time spent with your friends? Remember Gooden? He was such a wacky dude, haha. And Boobie? Big Z? I may be the only one left from the old days, but me and the new guys still know how to party.
I know you follow the league closely, so I won’t bore you with details of how absolutely top-to-bottom stacked our roster is. I’ll only tell you this: Kyrie is somehow even more of a beast than you may realize. Oh, and Bennett’s not that bad, he’s just got a ridiculous string of bad luck going on right now.
I hear about a lot of the stuff that goes on in this town, and I’ve gleaned that the fans have pretty much forgiven you for quitting all those times in the playoffs. Yeah, there might be a few boos because of The Decision, but, let’s face it, Cleveland fans are pretty desperate right now. You’d be like Jesus. Jesus 2.0. And there are some sweet new Skyline chili locations that have opened up while you’ve been gone. I know that was always your favorite.
Just consider it, okay man? Imagine the legacy you could forge here. The choice is yours.
With Kindest Regards,
Anderson Varejao