Anthony “Starvation Victim” Morrow is the purest shooter in the NBA. Of course, I’m talking about the parallel-universe NBA where Stephen Curry was never born and some guy named Mark Stevens is the point guard for the Warriors. There are some other anomalies as well (I keep telling people we should never have allowed an alien to be commish), but for the most part it’s the same NBA, and Anthony Morrow is just as good there as he is in this dimension. Anyway…
Previous to this game, I had compiled a list of traits that Morrow possesses:
-Skinny
-Emaciated
-Elite shooter
-Long
-Under-appreciated
-Malnourished
Now we can add another one to that list: clutch. Not only did he hit three three-pointers in the last six minutes of the game, he also canned two free throws with less than a minute to go. Eric Gordon’s going to get all the credit for this win, thanks to his game-winning shot with a second to go, but the real hero here is Morrow. To show my gratitude, I sent him a jumbo-size box of assorted protein bars. Time to bulk up, son.