“The natural beauty of Ireland is unparalleled. There is a reason they call this ‘the Emerald Isle’. The verdant greenth of Eire’s hills and valleys is poetic in its majesty.”
Kyle O’Quinn panned the camera across the landscape, aiming to give his future viewers a window into his beautiful homeland. He continued speaking in an affected, documentary-like voice.
“Ireland is an island rich in history, and an island proud in its culture. When one steps onto its shores one can feel the myths and legends of the old times still alive in the crisp and clear air. Stone monuments stand steadfast as a testament to…”
“Hey Kyle! What’s up!”
Kyle O’Quinn removed the camera from his eye and looked at Nikola Vucevic angrily. “Dammit, Vuc, don’t interrupt me when it’s clear that I’m doing something important! I’m gonna have to do this whole take again!”
“Oh, so this is another one of your little media projects. Let me guess. This one’s about Ireland, right?”
“I’m making a documentary. Detailing the glory and pride of my storied home. This is the opening shot.”
“I don’t think Ireland has as many palm trees as Orlando does, dude. You gonna edit those out?”
“I’ve been avoiding them. Hopefully once the season ends I can cross the ocean and be welcomed as a brother by my ancestors, and there my work can truly begin.”
“The only thing they’re going to be doing is looking at you like you’re an alien. A huge black dude with a big puffy beard and a face like Santa Claus? Just give it up. You’re not Irish. You’ve never been Irish. Why not embrace your true heritage instead of trying to shoehorn yourself into a culture where you not only don’t belong but are entirely opposite to?”
Nikola walked away. Kyle O’Quinn shook his head and began again.
“The natural beauty of Ireland is unparalleled…”