I’m sure that when Rodney escaped the cursed realms of the Detroit Pistons, he thought that he was exiting a bad situation for a good one. Then, Paul George’s knee spontaneously detonated, and, just like that, the Pacers sucked too! Rodney is just one unlucky guy. He is so unlucky, in fact, that I have put together a list of all the unlucky things that have ever happened to him:
-His college roommate once lit the carpet on fire with a cigarette butt, causing the incineration of a whole baggy of weed, and some MJ posters
-Tripped on his own shoelace while walking by Sarah Jones, on whom he had a crush
-Drafted by the Pistons
-Only signed a cheap one-year deal in the offseason even though he’s like D-Wade lite
-Great-uncle Carl died on Rodney’s birthday and he didn’t even get to blow out the candles
-Was born into a world of sadness and misery to perpetuate our parasitic species