The Jeremy Lin – Chandler Parsons bromance is over. OVER. Daryl Morey killed it, ruthlessly, because he himself has a heart of stone that feels nothing but coldness. Their beautiful relationship could handle many things, but 1000 miles is not one of them.
In the saddening absence of Parsons, we must find a new bromance partner for Jeremy in Los Angeles. Only dudes on the Lakers are eligible. After all, how are you supposed to have a bromance if you aren’t always seeing your bro’s naked heinie in the locker room? Candidates:
Carlos Boozer: Hard to be bros with a guy who never shuts up even during bro-hugs.
Wayne Ellington: Always has the best weed, but is kind of bummed right now and will remain bummed for the forseeable future.
Swaggy P: See Carlos Boozer.
Byron Scott: Broship would get in the way of the already strained coach-player relationship.
Ryan Kelly: Is white, which is what Chandler was, and has a nice beard, suitable for platonic cuddling.
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Ryan Kelly and Jeremy Lin should be made to be bros at the soonest possible opportunity. Personally, I think they’d make a very cute couple.